Reprehensible Representation

[from Joe T.’s Facebook page]

Joe T.: The Sardine just walked in, said hello to everyone, sat at the bar, ordered a rum and coke. Wal-terr is being very slow to get the drink.

Audrey Rose: Who’s this Sardine you’ve been writing about the last week?

Jackson Andrews: Joe already explained who he was.

Paul Peterson: I remember him mentioning it. The Sardine’s a moron.

Joe T.: Maybe you should unfollow me, Paul.

Audrey Rose: If he was important, I’d be following him on Facebook.

Joe T.: The Sardine’s not on Facebook or any other social media.

Paul Peterson: That’s why he’s a moron.

Wal-terr: Stick it, Joe. I’m getting his drink as fast as I can.

Jackson Andrews: How can you serve it and be posting at the same time?

Wal-terr: “Getting his drink as fast as I can” means finishing up my posts and tweets swiftly.

Joe T.: I asked the Sardine if he knew about the play being produced about my life.

Paul Peterson: You have a stinking play about your life. Did you write it? Is it on Broadway yet?

Audrey Rose: What’s the title?

Joe T.: “Joe Tragedy”. The Sardine finally got his drink.

Jackson Andrews: Is it true to your life?

Paul Peterson: It’s probably moronic.

Frank Weathers: Is the Sardine writing it?

Joe T.: You could ask him since he’s sitting next to you.

Audrey Rose: You must be thrilled, Joe.

Joe T: Frank Weathers is asking him something.

Paul Peterson: Could you ask the moronic Sardine for me why he would spend time writing a stupid play?

Frank Weathers: Apparently, I’m not in it.

Wal-terr: But did he write it?

Audrey Rose: Why don’t you ask him? You must only be a few feet away?

Paul Peterson: Joe hangs around with nothing but morons.

Joe T.: The Sardine knows the author and, apparently, my character is a very amiable guy.

Jackson Andrews: Will you get any royalties?

Joe T.: I don’t think so.

Audrey Rose: Did you give him the right to write about you? You could sue to get some money.

Wal-terr: I’m not in it either.

Joe T.: The Sardine said that the play is light years from earning a cent.

Frank Weathers: According to my twitter buddies, the play dwelt several times on Joe’s garbage disposal problem.

Audrey Rose: What was wrong?

Joe T.: It jammed up.

Wal-terr: Yeah, when Joe put dog crap in it.

Paul Peterson: That was moronic.

Jackson Andrews: I refuse to believe a person would do that.

Joe T.: I wasn’t thinking right at the time.

Wal-terr: His girlfriend had Joe babysit her dogs. They did some business on his carpet.

Audrey Rose: What were you thinking?

Paul Peterson: You should have mailed their business to your girlfriend.

Joe T.: Ex-girlfriend.

Frank Weathers: That was another thing they tweeted. Joe has more ex-girlfriends than George Clooney.

Wal-terr: But not as good looking.

Jackson Andrews: Either sue the Sardine or stop complaining.

Frank Weathers: You even have a brother in the play.

Joe T.: I don’t have a brother.

Audrey Rose: Are you sure?

Joe T.: Yes. Why would you ask that?

Audrey Rose: If it’s in the play, it has to be true.

Paul Peterson: What kind of moronic statement is that?

Joe T.: That’s not nice, talking to her like that.

Frank Weathers: Are you going to see the play?

Joe T.: No. Theater bores me.

[827 posts followed in the next half hour, then none after that]



Bob Castle, a.k.a A Sardine on Vacation has regularly published articles for Bright Lights Film Journal since 2000 and in 2020 his novel, The Hidden Life, was published.


Edited for Unlikely by Jonathan Penton, Editor-in-Chief
Last revised on Friday, March 15, 2024 - 21:36