by Joe Balaz
Da owner wen make like wun angel
talking to da reporter and da cops.
She wuz wun innocent victim
in da random and senseless crime.
Someting seems shady dough.
Wun neighbor walking his dog
wen witness da early morning attack—
how wun guy in wun hoodie
wen buss in da glass wit wun bat.
Den he wen escape down da road in da dark.
Da popular Kapahulu restaurant’s front window
wuz in pieces on da ground
and da owner wuz all distraught
and seemingly wondering why foa da cameras.
Da ting is maybe she already knew.
Kinnah odd dat her adah location in Kapalama
wen suffah da exact kine damage too
on da very same morning.
Looks like da angry ninja
wen dish out wun double dose.
Dats wat happens
wen you charge like wun bull on impulse.
Maybe da owner wuz wearing wun red panty
dat only da vandal could see.
Both establishments have da same name—The Juicy Oyster.
Tongue and cheek
is laughing somewheah in da periphery.
Sigmund Freud’s sensual analysis
would appreciate dat play on words.
I can see him squeezing his lemon
on da half shell.
Da jilted lover wuz wun outfielder
foa Kaiser High School years ago
and he wen use his favorite bat
dat he wen keep aftah he wen graduate.
Unless da police
get lucky wit dere investigation
it looks like
nobody going get caught.
is sweeping up da pieces now.
She’s witholding vital information.
or da lack of it
can be so mysterious.
Carolyn Keiko Nakayama
wen hook wun big one
wen she wen marry Roger Sullivan.
He had ambition
and wun family tradition to live up to—
became rich in da land grab
wen Liliuokalani wuz kicked to da curb.
Da young couple met at Punahou
and became sweethearts.
It got even sweeter
aftah Roger wen graduate from college
and started wun online company.
Da business took off
and eventually he wen sell it
at wun outrageous profit.
Carolyn just loves
da new house in Kahala.
Hard to believe dat she grew up as wun local
cause she look and act like wun Katonk.
Maybe dose years of living in Marin
before her and Roger came back to da islands
wen solidify her standing
as wun ultra example
of wun haolefied Japanee.
Some of her cousins
would tend to agree—
Dey like bachi her Mercedes.
Looks like da bad blood wen really flow
wen Carolyn made it known
dat wun branch of relatives
dat still spoke Pidgin
wuz wun embarrassment to her.
At da baby luau
foa Colten James Ichiro Nakayama
dere’s one aunty
dat not going be kissing his cheeks.
It seems dat Queen Carolyn
no like hang out wit da serfs.
cause plenty anxious tongues
stay waiting foa talk to her
sharp and ready
like wun guillotine.
baby luau A large gathering and party with food and entertainment for a baby’s first birthday.
bachi Bad karma; to wish bad luck on someone or something.
buggah A person, especially a male.
buss To break.
haolefied To act like a Caucasian person.
Kahala Affluent neighborhood on the island of O’ahu, Hawai’i.
Kaiser High School High school on the island of O’ahu, Hawai’i.
Katonk Japanese-American from the continental United States of America.
Liliuokalani Last head of state of the Kingdom of Hawai’i who was overthrown by American businessmen.
Punahou Elite prep school on the island of O’ahu, Hawai’i.
Joe Balaz has created works in American English and Hawaiian Islands Pidgin (Hawai'i Creole English). He presently lives in Cleveland, Ohio, and he is the author of Pidgin Eye. Joe recommends Shriners Hospitals for Children — Honolulu.
Edited for Unlikely by Jonathan Penton, Editor-in-Chief
Last revised on Tuesday, October 25, 2016 - 00:32