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Chelsea My cat weighs some 25 pounds. A tiny, bewitching face and dainty paws Drifting on a vast ocean of rolling flesh. When I see her every day, she looks fine to me, But when I get home from the airport, She’s a grotesque! A freak! I give her low-fat Cool Whip, And extra-lean cold cuts, But nothing helps. I’m nice to my cat, I treat her right, But mostly, she ignores me. Chelsea looks sweet, Like a big, soft teddy bear, But it turns out she’s a real bitch.