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battered joy bucket

i need a drink
this tastes like wool
im allergic to... citrus... belch... acid..
im busy... distorting the lettered reality
its a flow, notice everything is like computer data, flowing flowing shut up kid
get the fuck away from me the mist evaporates in your searing
eyes and the words and letters ploy into each other, making sense
itll take weeks to atrophy into the delirium i had previously
weeks and weeks of drinking 

somewhere between
3 days alcohol/marijuana/exposure
to northern elements
blacked out rolling
in own puke 
"samuel, youre like the mean kid on the playground
that steals all the kids toys!
"FUCK OFF
"IM FUCKING SICK 
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME
emerged from the dust
coercing a blond
to lift her shirt exposing her bra. 

thrusting a hand into the coals 
charred silver aluminum cans
skin searing awejg inroto muscle
jacket catching fire
shrieking into the woods
flinging firebrands beerbottles
respect toothpicks
no words
no emotion
evidence of life
evidence of lies
a little more
a little bored
kiss
im afraid youll get the wrong idea
rice spilled childish car giggle
smiling and enthusiastic potsellers
cant be wrong 
the herb is sweet
sugar bleeds down bust finger trees 

i think i should mention that i was drunk
before i tell you i popped a zit in the mirror
and was told "FUCK YOU" 
i popped a zit on a bus passing through times square
and was noticed by the paranoid driver
an elderly woman on a cell phone
who used the word "subsidiary
moving the piece of pus in front of my eyes
before the windshield
a yellow choad floating through traffic
tell your children to stop
shrieking
africans, making click and popping noises in their throats
children clicking songs at passing smokestacks over their
mothers sleeping body and their fathers
emotionless slumped over ashamed of his B.O. 
projecting beams of starvation away from your eyes
in the cleveland traffic i beat my head against the side of the bus
my legs were cramped
i was hungry
except for that poor kid
going to akron
made eye contact with that same hustler i saw in new york who jerked 
when he saw me in nyc, like i do when i see someone i am lusted
without realizing it
i stood smoking a stale cigar in the 11am glass sunlight
little boy approached me shivering with one eye pinched shut
13 years old just out of jail wanted a light for his newport
and gave me one made me smile
the nyc hustler watched us with tired squinted eyes moth eaten sweater
"i just came back from R.I. we were stealing cars turning them *** 1500$ \ he got
arrested nine months so i came home for thanksgiving
"yeah im going home too
the kid was dangerous. a brown toothed bum accosted us, pushing me
the yellow toothed bum, aside asking the kid for something, searching his pockets i
slipped into the bus station snarling off gentle smiles 

the pregnant girl called me a son of a bitch when i leaned on her suitcase
she gave me two dollars and i moved some of her luggage onto the bus
"I HOPE EVERYONE IN NEW YORK DIES! EVERYONE HERE IS AN ASSHOLE! IVE BEEN
HERE SINCE THREE! 
no one paid any attention but me.
"i hope everyone in nyc dies of anthrax
i chuckled and nodded, i agreed
she was from the west coast
i was from my parents basement
she sat next to me eating a hotdog, while i read a book
too paranoid to interact because of weed, but cursed myself
for not having beer later over a stinking 1am cramped coach hard-on
"HEY FUCK YOU GET IN LINE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. IM PREGNANT AND bitchy.
i sneered at her target, a well groomed pixie with pretty eyes
she didnt know how to react
"HEY FUCK YOU!
"you dont even know what im-
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!
"hey! you dont even im getting my ticket checked u dont even
"FUCK YOU! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
i snorted, chuckled, faded out, and the crowded neck gumming
nacho cheese murmur returned
reading some book about basquiat hunched over in a self defeat pose
with my cock wire into my heart with fishhooks and anglers reels
the walnut hair colored well groomed patches of folk seemed to be
amusedly observing other clumps of attractions 

walking through times square i observed the prostitutes and acquired
a 20bag of cocaine, my last money saved for any such a rare occasion
snorting off the basquiat book {stolen} next to a chinese restaurant
passing limo delivery men tourist yuppies and the colored 
onto the twin towers
triumphantly high, constipation leaving the body as a dream of bin laden attending a
concert of handels messiah washing into the stoned
head the homeless walking around caricatures of fat albert
statue of liberty jutting out of the dirt
a belligerent pouty hymn waiting to be burst 

anonymous thoughts of lusty violence shame
dreamy waiting for beers 

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