Unlikely 2.0

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Editors' Notes

Maria Damon and Michelle Greenblatt
Jim Leftwich and Michelle Greenblatt
Sheila E. Murphy and Michelle Greenblatt

A Visual Conversation on Michelle Greenblatt's ASHES AND SEEDS with Stephen Harrison, Monika Mori | MOO, Jonathan Penton and Michelle Greenblatt

Letters for Michelle: with work by Jukka-Pekka Kervinen, Jeffrey Side, Larry Goodell, mark hartenbach, Charles J. Butler, Alexandria Bryan and Brian Kovich

Visual Poetry by Reed Altemus
Poetry by Glen Armstrong
Poetry by Lana Bella
A Eulogic Poem by John M. Bennett
Elegic Poetry by John M. Bennett
Poetry by Wendy Taylor Carlisle
A Eulogy by Vincent A. Cellucci
Poetry by Vincent A. Cellucci
Poetry by Joel Chace
A Spoken Word Poem and Visual Art by K.R. Copeland
A Eulogy by Alan Fyfe
Poetry by Win Harms
Poetry by Carolyn Hembree
Poetry by Cindy Hochman
A Eulogy by Steffen Horstmann
A Eulogic Poem by Dylan Krieger
An Elegic Poem by Dylan Krieger
Visual Art by Donna Kuhn
Poetry by Louise Landes Levi
Poetry by Jim Lineberger
Poetry by Dennis Mahagin
Poetry by Peter Marra
A Eulogy by Frankie Metro
A Song by Alexis Moon and Jonathan Penton
Poetry by Jay Passer
A Eulogy by Jonathan Penton
Visual Poetry by Anne Elezabeth Pluto and Bryson Dean-Gauthier
Visual Art by Marthe Reed
A Eulogy by Gabriel Ricard
Poetry by Alison Ross
A Short Movie by Bernd Sauermann
Poetry by Christopher Shipman
A Spoken Word Poem by Larissa Shmailo
A Eulogic Poem by Jay Sizemore
Elegic Poetry by Jay Sizemore
Poetry by Felino A. Soriano
Visual Art by Jamie Stoneman
Poetry by Ray Succre
Poetry by Yuriy Tarnawsky
A Song by Marc Vincenz

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A Sardine on Vacation, the Movie
Episode Fifty-Two

Logged-In Public: The Sardine book must be come a movie.

"Who'll play the Sardine?" asked Joe T.

"Who'll play me?" asked Frank Weathers.

"We discussed this a while ago," said McNulty.

[I remember, IM's my Pun Pal, you were all disgusted it.]

L-I P: That was the television version of the Sardine Column. Wilfred Brimley was going to play Frank Weathers.

"And I had Warren Beatty," said Joe T.

"I don't want Brimley," said Frank.

Okay, okay, let's stops this now. You're getting ahead of yourselves. The column isn't well known. The book's not selling. There's no foundation for a movie audience.

"It's all about making the right pitch to the Hollywood types," said Frank.

[Life's a pitch.]

L-I P: Can't you make the Pun Pal stop punning?

No. Anyway, Frank, how can you sum up the Sardine in two or three sentences?

"Preferably less than that, Sard."

L-I P: Preferably all one syllable words. Their time is precious.

I couldn't pitch the book in less than one page.

L-I P: And, speaking from the public's perspective, we prefer a one-word title, but it doesn't have to be one syllable.

I wish I knew Welsh.

[So you can welsh on the movie deal.]

L-I P: "Young fish saves world with words."

How was the world in danger?

L-I P: Let the Hollywood suits figure that out later. If pressed, we'll say it was a malaise plaguing the world.

"Sard's the new Rocky," said Joe T.

No way.

"Sure. You're the underdog who broke into print and against all odds the column became popular. You fought your way to get recognition. You were the David who slew the Media Goliath."

I thought I was Rocky. But, that aside, my book is not cinematic. Has no continuity. Completely plotless.

L-I P: What about Pellatier trying to hunt you down? If that isn't plot, we don't know what is.

"It is a mystery film," said Frank. "Who really is the Sardine? You can film it black and white. Sardine noir."

Underdogs triumphing are not exactly the fare of film noir.

"Film the mystery part in black and white. And the underdog part in color."

Actually, I always liked the idea of the Sardine television series. Not much has to happen in a situation comedy.

"It could be another Seinfeld," said Frank.

L-I P: Joe T. has George Costanza qualities.

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," said Frank.

"You're a lot like Kramer," Joe retorted.

"You're just saying that because the L-I P thought you act like George."

L-I P: Joe has a point.

"Sard, you didn't model me on Kramer, did you?"

Of course I didn't. You're an original.

L-I P: What about "the man who would be Frank Weathers?"

What about him?

L-I P: Frank isn't that original if you modeled him after some guy who acts like Frank?

Well, Kramer had to be modeled after someone! The originality is in the transition from reality to the column.

"Television is crap," said McNulty. "I'm disappointed the Sardine has set his sights so low. You're no son of mine!"

You said I wasn't any son of yours before I didn't meet your expectations.

L-I P: The movie could have a subplot of a father rejecting his son.

"Rocky didn't have a father in the movie," said Joe.

"He could be like Luke Skywalker looking for his father," said Frank.

"Now I'm Darth Vader," said McNulty.

[You're forcing the issue, IM's the Pun Pal.]

May the force end this column.

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Bob Castle is the author of A Sardine on Vacation. He has had two other books published this year: The End of Travel, a comic memoir and send up of traveling abroad (Triple Press) and Odd Pursuits, a collection of stories (Wild Child Publishing). He is regular writer for Bright Lights Film Journal and has over one hundred fifty stories, essays, and articles published. The first fifteen installments of his saga can be viewed at the old Unlikely Stories. Episodes One through Forty-Seven of A Sardine on Vacation (with five semi-canonical additional episodes) are also available in book form.