Sante Fe turned out to be a vivacious city, full of art, good-looking young people playing with frisbees in the park. There were cacti, and intensely colored stones on the ground. She looked under all the bridges. She asked people wearing beads if they knew the bridge clan, or Dove. Then the women with no bras. Then the people with drums.
She sometimes found herself walking on the outskirts by sunset, meditatively, watching the little colored stones scintillating, climbing on little sandy hills, while she was playing her kalimba. She never seemed to be able to meet anyone much. Until she met Mountain Man.
Mountain Man was wearing all soft deerskin. "I killed the deer in those mountains," he told her. "Then I used the tools I made to skin it. I sewed it all by hand. It's what I do. It's where I live." She couldn't stand the idea of killing a deer. But she admired him. That was a true life. That was real, honest. He was very tall, with a tan body she could tell was very attractive. He had long black hair, with just a tinge of grey in it. His gaunt face was weathered, and she guessed maybe he was in his late thirties, though he looked older. They hung out in the benches that ringed the interesting part of town, far enough away from folks not to be a bother, or attract attention. The drummers went there sometimes, and so Mountain Man and Kundra would get to join in, even dance to the drums.
"I've lived a lot in the mountains, too," Kundra told him. "I like to put my wool blankets out and sleep on them. I don't like using sleeping bags or tents cause they aren't natural. I like to let the earth breathe into me. My dreams are more…transcendent. When I sleep on the ground, and get its energy, it's easier."
"I hear ya. I'm the same way. I like the blankets the Indians make here. But I make lean- tos. I can make little huts so I can do my work, spread out. But I just leave them and go on, and after a while, it's too much work. I like living more like an animal if I'm going to be wearing them. It only seems right. Hey, do you want me to make you a bikini of deer skin?"
"Yeah, I understand. You like to wear them on you and be them. But I don't really think I could wear that. It sounds great. But I don't even wear leather. I haven't even eaten meat since I was eight. Do you ever feel sad about killing the deer?" Besides, the bikini wouldn't begin to hold up her breasts.
"It's all the Great Spirit. I Am them. And they are me. I ask the Great Spirit to send me the ones that need to die. There are so many of them. They don't have enough food to go around. Then, I ask the deer to give themselves up to me if they are ready."
"How do you know if they are really ready or if they just happened to be there at the wrong time?"
"You'd be surprised what happens. You'd be surprised." He looked down into the darkness of the evening. It was a quiet night, and quietness and darkness seemed to be the next word, beyond words, to describe the relationship between all things. The miracles that happened.
He started rolling a cigarette of Drum tobacco. Kundra hated the smell of tobacco.
"Do you know anything about the bridge clan, Mountain Man?"
He grinned. His teeth were stained and irregular, but he had a striking smile. His eyes glinted. "Yeah, I know about the bridge clan. I'm one of'em. But we aren't the bridge clan anymore. We got the boot. Hey, you should really let me make you a bikini. I can just measure you, and get started."
Kundra's heart went faster. Success! She had found what she was looking for in the middle of the big city, and it felt homey, comfortable, welcoming. "Where do you live now?"
"Well, we go to a hillside to sleep, out of town a ways. It's not so handy to get to. Only Crackers has a truck, so the rest of us that can't fit in have to hitch. And not many people go out that way at night, of course."
"How do you stay dry if it rains?"
"Well, this time a year, it doesn't rain much. We have plastic. And we can get under his truck if we need to, but that's not very good. It's bad to raise up in the middle of the night 'cause your back's wet and you hit your head."
"Do you know Dove?"
"Dove. Yeah, I know him. Haven't seen him for a few weeks, though. He went to Texas."
Kundra's heart sank back down. What if she had gotten him killed by those pretty clothes? "He hitched through Texas wearing my clothes. He looked way too pretty. There was already some local there who crashed into the woods into the camp fire and ran over one of the women. They just don't like our type around there. I'm really worried about him. I want to report him missing if he doesn't show up."
"Aw, he'll be alright. Dove's tough. He can take care of himself. I've seen him. He was probably carrying a knife when he was hitchin'. Want to see mine?" He took out a huge skinning knife with a deerskin wrapped around the handle. The sheathe was deerskin too, no nonsense, but fraying beautifully, stained from sweat, with sacred character to it.
"Wow. That's really beautiful. I guess you made it?"
"Yeah. And look at this one." The next one looked like something that was meant more for people than for other animals. It was all metal and antler. He used his lighter up next to it to show her the details. The smoke of the cigarette was getting in her face as he held it too close while he bent over the knife. And the knife was glinting in the firelight and into her eyes.
"I should probably get going," Kundra said. "I'm getting pretty tired."
"How will I find you?" Mountain Man asked. He looked at her face intently.
"I don't know. I'll be around. I'm sure we'll run into each other again." She gave him a big long hug and she walked off to her car.
It was only the next afternoon when she saw him again. He was sitting at a table outside the Mexican restaurant rolling a cigarette. There were little piles of tobacco on the table, as there were two other men there as well. And there were three large plastic cups steaming. "Hi!" She waved enthusiastically and bounced toward him.
He stood up and hugged her and introduced her to Crackers and Jimmy.
Crackers also stood up and hugged her. Crackers was much shorter, and older, and scruffier. He laughed, and she could see through his teeth, even the ones he had. The ones in the center he didn't have any more. The others had become thin, and were dark and think and complex. They were partly covered by his scraggly mustache, and under them was an untamed beard. "Well, whadja brang me, Mountain? Where'd ya finder? How'er ya doin, little missy?" His voice was raspy.
"Good, good. I'm glad to meet you."
"Sit down! Sit down! This here's Jimmy…..Don't mind him." Jimmy didn't stand and hug her. He nodded. He had short black hair, and a squarish face. He was clean shaven, with a square face. He was much younger than the other two. She didn't feel the same sort of heart expansion flowing towards him as the others. He spat on the ground and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Lovely, Jimmy. We have comp'ny," said Crackers. Crackers looked at her with his blue eyes lit up, the sunlight making them glow even more. "Want some coffee?"
"No thanks. I don't drink coffee. I do more fresh squeezed juices and things."
He laughed out his nose. "If we didn't drink coffee, we'd be this Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin! Lookatchere." He pointed to the unbelievably large number of empty packets of powdered non dairy creamer on the table. "Breakfast. Plus the sugar. But we put that back inside so other people could have a chance at it. Til our next refills. Free refills all day."
She was honored he had offered to buy her coffee. He obviously didn't have a lot of extra money for treats, though he did seem to have enough for tobacco, and he started rolling up some Drum. "Can I get you some bottled water?" she asked, peering into their menu on the wall.
"Water! We don't drink the stuff. Too wet."
She went in and bought some and came back out to the table. "Mountain Man here tells me you're an artist," Crackers began. "You ever design tattoos? Look at the one I have on my back." He raised his shirt and showed her a picture of a bear. "That's me," he said, and winked. "You ever do tattoos?"
"Yeah, and look at mine on my shoulder," said Mountain Man, interrupting, and she turned to see something involving hatchets and blood and a sunrise. She nodded in approval.
"Well, once, I did design one for someone who asked me to. It was an anarchy symbol made out of gardening implements, rakes and things… But I like bears a lot. They're a kind of power animal for me. I used to live with them along the Oregon coast, near Florence. It was a really beautiful forest, with lots of moss, and old growth stumps, and ferns. I put my blankets down on the ground. The bears walked around me in circles at night, sometimes."
"What do you think they did that for? Were you bleeding at the time?"
"No, they just always did it. And we ate from the same juniper bushes. I used to dance the bear dance, and they would show up. I'd finish it and one would show up on the trail.
Jimmy spat again. He stirred his coffee, and threw the rest on the sidewalk. He looked away.
"And looky here right next to my tattoo. See this scar? It's from a fight in San Diego. That guy came at me with the biggest knife I ever seen. But I wrestled him down."
"You think that's a scar!" said Mountain Man. "Check this sucker out." He showed her a scar that went all along his side, that was obviously sewn with home made stitches.
"Now, that's a bear."
"Really? A bear attacked you? What did you do to aggravate it?"
"I don't think it liked how I smelled. Or maybe it liked it too much. I had deer blood on me at the time."
"Did you kill the bear?"
"Yeah, I had to or it wouldda killed me. Got it with my knife."
"Yeah, he's got a knife alright. Mine's purtier." Crackers showed her his knife that had been made by Native Americans, and had torquoise along the handle making the face of a mountain lion. The sheath was almost torn up, and was taped together.
"That's a nice one, alright," Kundra agreed.
"And then, there's this," said Jimmy, with more force than necessary, and plunked down his switchblade. No one said anything. He got up to leave, and threw his paper coffee cup on the sidewalk.
"Jimmy! Cup." Cracker's admonition seemed like something he'd said many times. He didn't expect an answer. "He's awright."
"When I lived with the bears, there started being huge—HUGE footprints, all along the trail I took to the lake. I couldn't believe any bear could make tracks that big, even grizzlies. I don't even know if grizzlies lived there. I wondered if it was something else, some sort of supernatural sasquatch or something. I got really nervous that maybe it had a cub. But I just kept living there, and dealing with being so afraid. I decided if it was my power animal, it was teaching me fearlessness."
"That's right," said Mountain Man. "I hear ya. You have to overcome. You have to be one with them. And if you die, you die: something needed to eat you, maybe."
"Yeah! That's how I want to die!" said Kundra. "I want to be recycled by a mountain lion or something. As long as no one finds out and kills the mountain lion."
Crackers started waving his knife with the mountain lion on it around, growling and hissing. He started laughing, and went into a coughing fit. He bent over, and kept laughing and coughing at the same time.
Kundra really liked these guys. "Are you part of the clan too?"
"You betcha. We know how to stick together. I'm more of it than Mountain, here. He wanders off and no one knows where he is."
"I do. I only live in the city during the summer. The other nine months of the year, I live in the mountains. By myself. But in the summer, you can count on it, I'll be with the clan."
"Do you know anything about Dove?"
"Yeah, I know about Dove. Pretty boy. Whatcha wanna know?"
"Well, we were together a little while, and then I lost him. Have you heard where he is?"
"Sure! He's up his ass if he ain't with you!" He launched into what was meant to be a subtle laugh, for Crackers, but turned into another spitting and hacking fit. "Ahhh. Health is everything! " He took another drag of his home rolled cigarette and glinted.
The three of them ended up spending a good part of the day together, wandering around, as they showed her the best places to dumpster dive, introduced her to more of the clan, and told more stories. Jimmy joined up with them again, too, and so there were a goodly lot of them walking along. People looked at her a little differently, or maybe it was just a little less, when she was hanging with the clan than if she walked by herself. Of course, men never look at women as much if they aren't alone. But Kundra was used to catching men's eyes as they looked her up and down, and responded to her goofy grin and bouncy "Hi Ho!" And she was used to a good number of both sexes feeling the love she had in her hearts for everyone, and smiling back at her. But when she was with those guys, all of them gaily traipsing along, except for Jimmy, conservative people just didn't want to know. They summed them up instantly, and judged them severely. But they were enclosed in their own world of friendship and it didn't matter. They were a clan.
"So, you going to spend the night with the unwashed?"
"Sure, why not? I even have a car. I parked it at some great rest stops on the way here from Texas. I always get out when I'm driving on the interstate and find a broken spot in the fence, or a place where the ground is low underneath it and take my blankets and go wandering. I slept in some of the most beautiful places yet, on the way here. But I don't like sleeping in the car so much. I like to see the stars and breathe the air and let the ground love me."
"You tell it, sister!" said McGuff. He was the biggest one of the clan, with the loudest voice. His face was swollen with greasy foods and sugar and booze. But he seemed to possess enthusiastic health. Maybe sleeping outside was partly why. "Well, it's about that time, then. Let's get a move on!"
They started walking towards McGuff's jeep. Jimmy threw down his Coke can. Mountain Man told him to pick it up. "What the fuck you guys always tellin' me what to do for? Motherfuckers!" He picked it up and threw it with great gusto into a trash can a few yards away. "I know where we can get some coke for real, man. Anyone in on it?" No one said anything. He kicked a lamp post. "Wussies!"
"I never touch the stuff," said Kundra.
"Yeah, if it doesn't grow on something, or have eyes, I don't want it," said Mountain.
Jimmy snarled. Kundra stepped to the other side of the group walking down the middle of the street.
"Who wants to go with me?" she asked. A soft young man named Toadiebones, and a quiet kid about 15 or so, named Bill, walked to the car with her, and after some hesitation, Jimmy got in too. There was little room with everyone's stuff they carried around in packs and bags, but it was comfortable.
Jimmy said, "Usually, we're all crammed in McPuff's tiny-ass jeep, with all the other fuckers too, and it sure stinks to hell. Usually, some have to hitch to get out there. Course, they never get left off at the spot, so no one knows where it is." He glared at her in the rear view mirror. "You don't let anyone know where it is." He wiped his nose with his fist.
They drove out of town to a quiet, woodsy area, and came to a place that seemed to belong to no one, but had a spot to pull off and go behind some trees, so no one could see the cars. Kundra was proud to be trusted with the whereabouts of the place. Turned out most of them had even more stuff, which was stashed in the bushes. It smelled slightly of mold, but it wasn't bad, because of the dry climate. They took off their shoes, which was when the smells got really serious. Bill, Kundra, and Toadiebones even brushed their teeth. They spread their sleeping bags out next to each other, and one by one, got in, after cigarettes and stories. One of the sleeping bags had obviously been peed on, and she hoped no one thought it was hers. Toadiebones showed her his scar along his ear, by flashlight, and another one on his wrist. He told her running away from home. Bill had something to say about that too, in obscure references, while looking away into the darkness. Bill, Crackers, and Jimmy put their knives next to their bags.
