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s my back hurts everyday. iím still waiting to get use to it. sometimes it itches beneath the skin at the muscle. my bones stopped growing, after surgery, when i was 12 aside from those in my arms and legs. couldnít they have left me alone? let me run off with the circus as the magnificent camel back? 70+ grand, internal stitches, half a pound of stainless steel, 50 staples and 9 years later, iím more pissed off at the world than ever. ďfriendsĒ say they donít notice my hunchback. strangers come up to me and ask ďwhat is thatĒ? itís not as rude as people who stare or people who lie... as if i myself, donít know or do not fully understand how fucked up i look. in 8 hours the surgical team did the best they could. my spine is straighter now then when this head came out of that twat. still fucked up but not as fucked up. a jack the ripper performed on modern ďmiracleĒ of plastic surgery. born inferior for years i dreamed a way to get an edge over normal women. itís hard to live with how ugly my body is. hips twisted, breasts crooked, left foot wider to compensate for the unbalanced weight distribution, sunken in right shoulder, fully grown arms and legs on a torso that is the length of a 12 year old girl. whatís inside counts? meet my herring rods which keep my ribs from collapsing on the lungs. i have bad balance and fall down a lot. i have broken three bones this way. going down a staircase is always a potential health hazard. i canít feel my nipples because of the nerve damage done during the initial scalpel swipe. i havenít cried about it in a long time because i am a big girl now. itís just today the aching in my last five vertebrae is persistently spreading throughout the whole of my spine. i wonder how much more time there is before my hips become displaced and i lose the ability to walk.
a boy at a party kissed me. he put his arm around me to pull me closer. when his hand came across my deformed ribs he stopped. i went to the refrigerator and drank another shot of grain liquor faintly embarrassed for us both. it doesnít bother everyone. those whose sexual pity has peaked ask if they can touch it. i say sure with the condition that they do not touch my 2 foot long scar because it makes me feel like i might split open at the seam.
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