Back to Jason Hecker's Artist PageTo the Artist's Page                 Back to the Unlikely Stories home pageTo our home page
Offensive HalfwitTo Jason Hecker's previous piece     Decisions, DecisionsTo Jason Hecker's next piece


More Worthless Advice

How to get the ants
out of your kitchen:

First, clean and
disinfect everything
wash all those damn
dishes and put
something down the
disposal to get the
funk out

Then, determine their
point of entry and
set out a bait trap
or three

Wait a couple of days
and then squash a
bunch of them with
your thumb

Next, make a bunch of
tiny, ant-sized crosses
and nail all those ant
corpses to them

place them all at
strategic intervals
as a warning
to the others
sort of like in
Planet of the Apes

Finally,
set the place on fire

and if that doesn't work
(or, I guess, even if it does)
Move.

To the top of this pageTo the top of this page