Always young enough, or, Shouldn't be too hard
by Sub-commandante X
He had the nerve to ask me why I don't wanna get sucked. Now, that's a rather hard question to answer, so to speak. I don't want to come on like some cruel, homophobic dork. But words like, "I hardly know you," "You're not my type," & "I just don't feel like it," they fall on deaf ears. Now, I know how it feels to say 'Nooo', & really mean it.
It's good to see things from the other side for a change. But, you have to be true to yourself, & if someone wants to be hurt, well, that's his business. Still, I guess, it's nice to be wanted. Especially, when compared to the alternative. At least somebody cares. (Even if he is queer).
And his wife, who he offered as a bribe, doesn't interest me. How do you say no, thanks, but thanks for asking?
By the grace of magic, Monika & I share all possible time, together. I don't believe in "accidents" anymore. She says she wants to "know me better than anyone." That shouldn't be too hard to do. I wished her luck. If she can handle being adored, we'll get along just fine.
Being young means having no time for waiting. "Get it while you can", is still the chant. But patience and going slow isn't always the virtue it's made out to be. That can be sicko wacko, too.
But, there does come a time, thank Krishna, when, for example, the tall blond beauty with the knockout knockers starts to acknowledge my presence.
She makes eye contact & smiles these days. That's a hell of an improvement. She used to ignore me. Now, she greets me with a chummy 'Hey.'
Hey, I wonder if she can do anything else besides stop traffic? Of course, that really don't matter. I'm just curious, that's all.
Because you can, is hardly reason enough to do it, naturally. But, knowing what you don't want, really helps when the shit starts to fly, & you gotta make some quick decisions.
Knowing what to avoid, makes any choice that much easier.
Ira said, "I can feel out of place anywhere" & that's funny. But he's serious, & that's sad.
At the metaphysical bookstore, the young woman announced it was Adele's third birthday. When I smiled, & wished the little one a happy birthday, she told me of her presents, yet to come. She showed me her very first piece of birthday candy. We marveled at how wonderful that was.
That little girl had the oldest, wisest eyes I've ever seen on such a beautiful tiny teacher. When we smiled our good-byes, I heard Adele tell her mother,
"He good. Him good man, Mommy."
From the mouths of babes is the highest honor of all. That interplay was significant because it contained the very meaning of life. (If you'll excuse me for saying so).
If not, why does it feel so magic, & so wonderful?
Looks like, folks, we got some work to do. But, outside of forgiving yourself, there's really no heavy lifting involved. This existence is meant to be a joy & a blessing &, quite literally it is. All the time.
You got a problem? Seek the truth, & the answer will find you. If you want to know more, just ask...
Hell, is that love I see in those eyes, & hear in that voice? I'm too old to lie to myself. Some would say I'm 'too old,' period.
But, you're always young enough for love. & I can hear it, & see it, & feel it, getting closer. Yeah, it's possible. I don't care where the back door is anymore, or, even if there is one, actually. Uh huh, I know. I got it bad.
If you saw us together, you'd understand.
From the apartment parking lot, I could see my neighbor vacuuming close to her 2nd story window.
She was wearing a white bra that did the trick, nicely, thank you. When I smiled & waved, she waved back. She called out 'hello.'
I thought to myself,
"I'm home dear, be up in a minute."
It's fun to relapse into 'domestic bliss' scenarios, every now & again. But, seriously, I hope it's not contagious.
If you asked, did I choke the chicken? I'd just have to deny it. So, please, don't ask.
Ira wanted to know if I was up to joining him & some female companions for jazz some evening.
I got real busy, real quick.
You learn, soon enough, in this solitary, solo dance, just who you can trust to supply you women.
It won't be Ira.
For me, it's always been the women, pointing out other women. It's always the women.
Sometimes, you just gotta take your own advice (& hope the medicine isn't too bitter).
Sub-X is a survivor of the radical '60s. These days he's attempting to get beyond the 'Them' and 'Us' duality of Conflict Consciousness. Trying to eliminate conflict from one's reality is a lot like dealing with alcohol. It's an on-going process. Currently, Sub-X seeks solutions and asks, "Why not more beauty, love, and joy?" We know we can do so much better. OK, so why not?