Waiting for Never
by Jonathan Penton

I finally figured out what bothers me about those little inspirational poems that office-dwellers hang on their cubicle walls. If you work in an office, you know the ones I'm talking about: saccharine little verses that say, in pathetically simple terms, "God will take care of you if you let Him."

I've always had a bad reaction to these things, and I've always assumed that it's just because, on the one hand, I have high standards for poetry, and on the other hand, I'm uncomfortable with loud displays of religious beliefs (a result of growing up in Southern Baptist territory). But a couple of days ago, I was enjoying the BBC production of Moll Flanders. In this production, Moll, after being bankrupted, is praying to God for assistance. She asks God, "Will you not help me?" The talented actress, Alex Kingston, then breaks character, looks directly into the camera, and asks, in a surly voice, "Well? Has He ever helped you?"

Not since He helped me score that touchdown that led my pro ball team to victory, no, He hasn't.

There's a passage in Bleak House, on a man and his debts, which I've never understood until now. It says:

"...If any man had told me, then, that I should be as hard up at the present time as I literally find myself, I should have, well--I should have pitched into him," says Mr. Jobling, taking a little rum-and-water with an air of desperate resignation; "I should have let fly at his head."

"Still, Tony, you were on the wrong side of the post then," remonstrates Mr. Guppy. "You were talking about nothing else in the gig."

"Guppy," says Mr. Jobling, "I will not deny it. I was on the wrong side of the post. But I trusted to things coming round."

That very popular trust in flat things coming round! Not in their being beaten round, or worked round, but in their "coming" round! As if a lunatic should trust in the world's "coming" triangular!

This passage always irritated me. It reminded me of the people who blame people for their problems, who take the attitude that if something is wrong with you, you must have invited it upon yourself. (Every religion, from Hinduism to Christianity to the New Age, has spawned such uncharitous and irrational thinkers.) But of course, the passage in Bleak House says no such thing. It simply says that your problems are your problems, and you best take full responsibility for correcting them, 'cause they won't, and He won't.

Our delusional faith in God's desire to pamper us probably stems from one of the oldest tenants of our culture's faith: the idea of a Messiah. Now, maybe you're waiting for the Second Coming, or the first coming, depending upon your spin on the Judeo-Christian thing. And hey, that's great. But all I can say is: don't hold your breath. Nobody came to save six million Jews and five million Gentiles from the Great European Bake-Off, and nobody's gonna come to America just because six-year-olds are shooting each other, or just because you can't handle the stress of tax season. You best hammer that shit round, honey, 'cause their ain't no relief in sight.

Al Gore, in the most under-reported case of religious intolerance of the 90s, publicly slammed Atheists (not to mention South Park) saying that we were moving past such things, into a new age of religious enlightenment. (Lucky us.) I've had more than one person tell me that it doesn't matter what you believe, so long as you believe in something. Failure to believe in something would, according to these people's way of thinking, grant you license to be an asshole.

I say that Atheism is the bravest religious belief the West has spawned. It is the only one that forces a person to take absolute responsibility for his or her actions. If you are an Atheistic asshole all your life, you will die an Atheistic asshole. If you are a good Atheistic person, you will be remembered as a good person, and not as a good or bad Atheist.

But what's more, Atheism, and its congenial sister, Secular Humanism, forces us to take responsibility for the world's problems, as well. While some people are locked in their churches waiting for God to obliterate Orlando, Atheists must fix whatever is wrong with society, because no deity will do it for them. They can't put 10% of their cash in an offering plate and trust it to do God's work. They must (and I'll grant you that most don't) make sure that their charitable donations actually help people who need charity.

Atheists must take full responsibility for the decay of our planet, and full blame for the torture and extermination of the planet's other species. Indeed, since they were given no special rights by any God to rule over these species, they must carefully consider the way they treat both plants and animals. They must come to their own ethical conclusions, remaining willing to have those conclusions challenged in reasonable debate.

I could go on at length about the advantages of Atheism, but it's late, and that would be boring, and I'd feel kind of silly since I'm not an Atheist anyway. The point is not that you should change your religion. The point is that you should get a grip. God will not take care of you just because you let Him. If you want something to happen, make it happen. And don't try to do it with prayer or force of will. Think about what you want to accomplish, and do what's necessary to accomplish it. Then, be sure and help others accomplish their goals, since you will surely need some help accomplishing yours. This don't take a philosophical genius, folks. If the world's going to hell in a handbasket, get off your ass and fix it already.

Jonathan Penton is the overworked editor and publisher of Unlikely Stories. Check out his literary works at this site.