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All I want For Christmas is my two frontal lobes removed

i want to die
scary sad pathetic
cause if i really wanted to
iíd just stick it in my mouth cock it back
its as easy as riding a bike 
as tying a knot and hoping 
my neck breaks 
pressing down that much harder
taking one or two or 50 more than normal
reliving all those times i wasnít good enough
couldnít pay the rent
couldnít buy the drugs
couldnít feed myself
took too many 
passed out
woke up in
shit and piss
and didnít remember what happened
that iíve fingered myself thinking about animals
and relatives
then later wondered which was worse
as easy as finishing a sentence 
dotting the iís crossing the tís
cutting open my stomach and pulling out my guts
i want to die ugly and humiliated
that this will be the day iíll finally do it
i want to die because i want to kill.

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