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accept fate already. 
you are fat. 
why keep treadmilling around 
like some hamster? Some type of shit eating, disease spreading 
that's what you've been reduced to isn't it? 
that's what you tell yourself 
this is what you've learned from life, 
after so many rejections, 
all of those unrequited loves that reek more of potential homicides 
than spent sheets. 
what else would anyone expect 
surrounded by a landscape where material possession 
explicates worth 
to yourself. 
where the outside 
portrays the inside. 
you dream yourself a stair master to success. 
you just don't fucking get it do you? 
you have nightmares about Jerry Springer, 
waving his microphone in front of your 
pudgy face, 
yelling "okay boys, secure the ropes, we're pulling her out."
too bad they'll never be able to pull you out 
from that ton of 
self-perpetuated guilt and weakness 
you've been burying yourself under. 
that bombardment of women's fitness issues and quick fixes, 
that were suppose to give you support but 
only dragged you down further. 
that convinced you a little more 
there was a fundamental problem, 
something wrong with you, 
that just a little more self-restraint could solve. 
bought the juicers, the tapes, the pills, the books... 
and the lie, 
that your problems would disappear with the inches, 
that suddenly all those nights alone would be filled with 
interesting people, conversations. 
lovers that only existed on your own fingertips 
would come. 
now it would be your turn to "forget" to return calls. 
you'd be in the position of power 
you'd wield it so well 
in those five in stilettos. 
until the fear 
of edible undies 
of ten grams of heat 
began to consume you. 
the overwhelming fear 
that you might "gain" it back, 
that it could happen again. 
then where would you be? 
socially bankrupt and crammed into 
some seminar 
some gym. 
where the only things driving you on 
were those nights alone with the t.v. 
the pizza 
the escape. 
the fall into pity and loathing that doesn't end. 
you indulge, indulge, indulge 
because you believe you are worthless. 
that a cock could save you 
that "they" could save you 
from your real fear 

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