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accept fate already. you are fat. why keep treadmilling around like some hamster? Some type of shit eating, disease spreading rodent... that's what you've been reduced to isn't it? that's what you tell yourself this is what you've learned from life, after so many rejections, all of those unrequited loves that reek more of potential homicides than spent sheets. what else would anyone expect surrounded by a landscape where material possession explicates worth to yourself. where the outside portrays the inside. you dream yourself a stair master to success. you just don't fucking get it do you? you have nightmares about Jerry Springer, waving his microphone in front of your pudgy face, yelling "okay boys, secure the ropes, we're pulling her out." too bad they'll never be able to pull you out from that ton of self-perpetuated guilt and weakness you've been burying yourself under. that bombardment of women's fitness issues and quick fixes, that were suppose to give you support but only dragged you down further. that convinced you a little more there was a fundamental problem, something wrong with you, that just a little more self-restraint could solve. bought the juicers, the tapes, the pills, the books... and the lie, that your problems would disappear with the inches, that suddenly all those nights alone would be filled with interesting people, conversations. lovers that only existed on your own fingertips would come. now it would be your turn to "forget" to return calls. you'd be in the position of power you'd wield it so well in those five in stilettos. until the fear of edible undies of ten grams of heat began to consume you. the overwhelming fear that you might "gain" it back, that it could happen again. then where would you be? socially bankrupt and crammed into some seminar some gym. where the only things driving you on were those nights alone with the t.v. the pizza the escape. the fall into pity and loathing that doesn't end. you indulge, indulge, indulge because you believe you are worthless. that a cock could save you that "they" could save you from your real fear yourself.
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