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The Day Loretta Young Died
Robert was buying his usual baguette and coffee this rainy Montreal Saturday morning when he noticed a young man breathing heavy and running out of the supermarket. The seventeen-year-old asked if he could have Robert’s newspaper and proceeded to hide under it at his café table. His name was Jean and Robert offered him his umbrella.
“I’m sorry… I was in a huff.”
“But why?”
“Can’t tell you now.”
Robert felt badly since Jean was so wet and hungry, and offered to give him a change of clothes. And since Robert lived above the café, Jean followed him upstairs.
When he undressed Robert noticed Jean had a celery stick he had apparently stolen tucked into his briefs.
“Do you want my celery stick?”
“You didn’t want my baguette.”
“That was then. I wouldn’t mind eating your baguette with butter on it.”
Robert realized Jean was a male hustler. Jean proceeded to look through Robert’s closet, perhaps thinking he was a closet case. He found an androgynous shirt and then from his hunger or exhaustion fell asleep on the couch.
Robert put on some Mozart and Jean started to giggle, then told him of his plan to dress as a woman so he could pick up his bicycle near the supermarket.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“No, I’d like to go along as a woman.”
“Do you have a drag name?”
“I’ve used up so many: Betty, Lana, Barbara.”
“I wish I could help you with high heels.”
“Who else lives in the building?”
“A woman next door, Mademoiselle Touche.”
“Are you friendly with her?”
“When she’s sober. She is on holiday; she gave me her key.”
A quick transformation from Jean to his feminine self freaks Robert out.
Jean looked like an exotic thirties siren with a straight shoulder length red wig that perfectly complemented his angular features, a Chanel type green number and elegant taupe shoes.
Robert puts on the television back at his apartment. It is August 12, 2000, and he hears that Loretta Young is dead at age 87. Jean is more familiar with her movies like “The Farmer’s Daughter” or “Cause for Alarm” than Robert is. When Robert asks him if he likes the name Loretta, Jean winks.
Robert tells Jean that he heard that Loretta had an affair with Clark Gable which produced a daughter; then out of penance had become a Catholic fanatic and had a penance box, and if anyone on a movie set swore then Loretta would make them cough up some coins. If the word was really blasphemous, you really had to pay up. Jean laughs and kisses Robert dramatically, if comically, on the forehead.
Jean leaves Robert to pick up his bicycle and picks up a man as Robert watches from his window.
“I am a married man – and an American.”
“I couldn’t tell.”
“You’re a pretty young thing.”
“Thank you. Do you have a place?”
“My hotel room. I am looking for a wife. I went to a church last Sunday and this lady comes out dressed in white and tells me that God told her I was going to be her husband. I ran away from her. Man, what’s wrong with these Christian ladies?”
“They’re all frustrated.”
“You’re special. What’s your name?”
“I’m christened Loretta.”
“Beautiful. You want to shack up?”
“Sure.”
They proceed to the American’s hotel room. Jean rolls him and puts the money into his padded bra. He comes back to Robert with his bicycle, “a richer soul,” he says.
“Do you object, Robert?”
Robert feels melancholy, but laughs.
“No, but…”
“But you don’t trust me… you don’t want to put me up… you think I’ll roll you… is that it?”
“You tell me.”
“I like you, Robert.”
“For how long?”
“How long is always the question, isn’t it? I have an engagement. I sing at the Lavender Latin Club on Saturday nights.”
“So you are an entertainer as well as a thief? Why did you take the celery and not caviar?”
“Celery calms you down before a performance. It’s an old Hollywood remedy.”
“You don’t seem like the nervous type.”
“You think I’m without much conscience, like Genet?”
“I taught Genet in my literature class.”
“Professor Robert, I’ve learned everything from Genet. He changed my life.”
“Will you come back here after your night club performance?”
“Robert, you will be my guest.”
Robert shaves, pats his face with lotion, selects a tie, and orders a taxi.
Jean lived with Robert for a long time, until he had to go to Amsterdam to further his musical career.
Robert and Jean vowed that each anniversary of Loretta Young’s death they would spend together.
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