by Charles J. Butler
was early morning, the house is peaceful and dark. i got up, made coffee, and watched the dawn break. a man studies on many things around morning, or he should. yesterday, i played with my dogs, danced with them in fact, two of em' are puppies, anytime is playtime and "dad" was hanging with em. i put on some old 97s and just enjoyed. the greetings came in from family & friends, i felt happy, something i never felt i had a right to be, or feel. but here i was, feeling good, feeling loved.
later, i got some bad news, a friend some of you knew died, it shook me, this was a woman i'd never met other than on facebook, but i grew to value her friendship, and to love her. we had great conversations about life, poetry, what we were joyful about, and without saying it outright, what living was. we come into each other's lives and you think he or she will always be there. people come in and out of yr path, they move, they die. that is what life is, we say goodbye, and hello, and make do with what time is left.
this morning i sat up in a dark living room, watching the sun rise over the ozarks, it's lovely here, the sky changes from deep black to blue, stars glitter and you wonder if they're alive or dead, are their worlds spinning around them, is their someone there sitting in a house jus a'wondering on what all this means, if anything he or she did mattered, and in the end that comes for us all, what did it all mean? a man studies on these things as he grows older, i do, anyway. i try to stay in the light, thoughts like "i'm getting old, i'm broke, everything is harder and i am afraid." i'll study on this, the sun will burn off the morning mist. soon if i go outside i'll watch the mist pool over my bare feet. cool air will slide over my skin, i'll hear crows call to each other, and i'll feel like crying, but i won't. not yet anyway. to be alive is just to be. what you do with that is on you. give a thought and a prayer to michelle greenblatt and her loved ones, hold those you like and love close, be, do, live.
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