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If This, Then That
Or:
First and Last Date

Don't smoke unless
she does.  If she orders beef,
do that too.

Try to keep from telling her
she is too good for Earth.
Instead, impress her with
interesting tidbits.
"There is no such thing
as a sugar high"   And
"It's sticky things, not sugar
that rot your teeth."

Do tell her
you are in the process
of being blown away
by her charm
if you need an excuse
for an awkward shy spell.

If you speak on movies and she mentions that Al Pacino
is her favorite actor
don't tell her that he over does it.  Don't do your impersonation of him
in Heat.
That is, don's say, "Don't waste my
mother fuckin time!"
Or, "Oh yeah, and I'm
Donald Duck!"

If you speak on movies and she mentions that Al Pacino
over does it
and she laughs at your impersonation of him
order bread.
When the waitress brings it over, say
"Thanks, Jesus."

That way, the transition
into your bible joke
will be smooth.
"If you read the bible backwards
it says
size doesn't matter".

If she laughs
she likes you.
No laughter means
you absolutely have to tell her
you are in the process
of publishing your first novel.

This, she will love.
Be sure and make some contact as you leave
the restaurant.  That is,
touch her side.
When she touches back,
hold her hand.

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