To the Unlikely Stories home page

by Norman A. Rubin

To our home pageE-mail is a wonderful carrier of messages; within seconds one can communicate with someone in the world and equally in the matter of seconds a proper reply can be had. Yet, the E-mail site can be a nuisance at times especially when it is plagued with unwanted advertisements of all sorts. I am not interested in either obtaining low interest loans, playing casino games, or ads offering me a chance of a lifetime; I was definitely not interested in one message, which blatantly offered "Lengthen your penis by three inches" followed by a paper clip sign.

How this astute company could help lengthen one's penis and by three inches is no concern of mine; nor was it of my interest to press the paper clip sign as in the past my screen was blacked out by a virus - and not the new flu one from the Far East. Yet the advertisement repeated itself continuously and dared me with its message. <1>Well, I am close to seventy-four years of age and sex is more or less ancient history. Even Viagra offers very little hope with my limpid loins. Yet, there are miracles in my age and if my spouse is willing and there is mutual response, a few drops will spurt from my six inches. Even my everbeloved will remark on the strenuous by lovable act. Off course it doesn't follow with 'nooky-nook', only deep breathing with a slight snoring. After all we are both in the elder years and rest is the criteria after such demanding exercise.

I am not an expert on the delectable parts of pretty damsels, but as far as my limited knowledge is concerned I understand that the button of pleasure is at the portals to a garden of delight. With a bit of kissing on the lips and neck and a few moments of suckling to the rosy orbs would, of course, enflame this tender part. Then the shaft of desire is invited and it passionately caresses the clit, which sends orgasmic spasms and lets flow the elixir of joy from the primrose path. Now I know that many darlings would like their bower of bliss filled with a well endowed Aaron’s rod for added sexual pleasure, and so be it.

Now, why should I extend my penis another three inches? It would be a waste of effort and of flesh on my part. Yet curiosity nearly 'killed the cat' and I almost pressed the paper clip sign. Well, anyway, it got me thinking about the various methods that could be applied.

Massage, involving some ancient methods, was the first thought that entered my mind; or it could be a new medical penis enlarger approved by the proper authorities. No, I could be wrong as other thoughts ranged through my addled brain; the thinking process was a bit slow in my elder years. Well, I shook up the brain cells and I figured it might be some secret ointment or liniment dreamed up from some secret formula concocted by some scheming entrepreneur for a money making enterprise: I thought out loud, "Off course that might be the answer to the riddle."

Suddenly one day the brain cells lit up. I remembered something from the ancient past. It was a similar advertisement in some magazine offering an identical enticement, but only to lengthen one's tool of pleasure an inch more in its hardness. The secret was revealed at the time when 'curiosity was answered and it saved the cat'. The solution was revealed in documents received in the post offering me contraceptives of various types, including one filled at the end with an inch long piece of latex.

Within a few days the messages for a lengthy penis faded from my screen, but another tempting offer took its place with the usual paper clip sign - Erotic Photos at such and such a price. Well I prefer scantily dressed lovelies that offers tempting delights to one's imagination. Vivid coloured photos of naked darlings in their show of all they possess are to me something from a gynecologist's training manual.


Norman A. Rubin of Afula, Israel is a former correspondent for the Continental News Service, USA. He's written on Near East culture and crafts, archaeology, history and politics; religious history and rites, etc. He's been featured in publications world wide - Jerusalem Post, Israel - Coin News, Minerva, Oriental Arts, etc. England - Ararat, Letter Arts Review, Archaeology, etc. USA - Spotlight, Japan - International B, Hong Kong. He's been a freelance writer for the past sixteen years of short stories of all genres - mystery, horror, humour, sexual customs, etc.