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When Pussycat Went to the Ball A Wino's Tale I know what you people are thinking, But gentlemen there you are wrong, I swear I have not been drinking, That is, drinking anything strong. I'm off that stuff for my salvation, To temperance I have consented; I'm taking no participation In drinking that which is fermented. I'm going to tell you my story, How answering chivalry's call, In one night of honor and glory I took a young cat to the ball. One night while the city was sleeping I found a cat crying by chance, I asked, "Kitty, why are you weeping?" "Because I can't go to the dance." "My dear friend old Tomcat was taken To clean the rats out of a hall, And now sir my poor heart is breaking For I'll miss the masquerade ball." I said, "Little cat, cease your crying, Put on your best mittens from France, All social conventions defying, I'll take you myself to the dance." "But sir," Kitty said, "I've no costume, No gown, no fine shoes and no hat." "Fear not," I replied, "little feline, Just go as you are as a cat." She danced with a young punchinello Who seemed to be calm and composed, But 'ere I could stop the poor fellow, The lad had already proposed. The sad situation was altered By the entrance of Rodney the Rat. With a pounce and a spring She was on the poor thing, And her passionate lover Was soon to discover That she who did falter To enter the altar With him was no more than a cat. And that is the end of my story, How answering chivalry's call, In one night of honor and glory, I took a young cat to the ball. You can't trust a cat or a lady, No matter how nice she may seem; Her past if not tarnished and shady, May not be as bright as you dream. I once gents was happily married, I had me a lovely young wife, But some nights at Charley's I tarried, And now she is gone from my life. I live in my desolate sorrow Thinking of her all the time, Eating on what I can borrow, So brother, can you spare a dime? Well, you can't blame a fellow for trying-- I wish I did not have to think; And cousin, there is no denying, I sure could forget with a drink. But I'm off that stuff for my salvation, To temperance I have consented; I'm taking no participation In drinking that which is fermented. I'll go to the bar to see Charley, I'll keep on my hat and my coat; Despite my resistance his dogged persistence May force a smooth drink down my throat!
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