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Talk Show

"This is KRMB with your talk jock Ron Swanson and my next guest is from Marietta, GA. It's our last call here at 3:00 AM…"

"It's Rita, Ron…"

He whispers into the phone: "Again? Would you mind calling me off the air?"

And to the listening audience, "Good night and good morning."

"I thought I'd never make it through the show. I'm bushed."

"That Rita's still on the line, boss."

"Rita, I told you to hold your water. I've got to take a leak myself."

"This is the night, Ron, we are going to meet. I have the reservations at the Heart Motel. Now don't disappoint me! I won't disappoint you…" Ron hangs up.

"Joe, close up for me tonight."

"A hot date? It's not professional, Ron."

"Joe, listen to the Bible answer man – he's on after me. But I'm gonna finally find out who this Rita is, and what she's about."

"Be careful."

"I'm a man, Joe. I can take care of myself."

Ron unplugs his ear phones, puts on his dark sunglasses and heads over to the Heart Motel, five miles away.

Ron goes up the elevator to room number 66. He smells that cheap motel odor, but wipes his nose, puts on some lotion from his lapel pocket and knocks on the door. Rita is waiting.

"So you have a face, Rita…"

"Do you like it?"

"Sure, just don't be two-faced."

"I know about you, your wife and two little leaguers. They're cute. I know about your law degree, even what's in your father's will."

"How come?"

"Yours to find out."

"Rita, pretty please…"

"You like me?"

"Sure."

"Then show me what you have."

"How do I know this isn't a set-up and the whole damned place is bugged?"

"Don't you always say on your talk show, Doc Jock, that life involves risks?"

"So now you're giving out the advice."

Rita is a petite, beautiful and voluptuous brunette with red streaks.

"You make it seem like we don't know each other."

"We don't…"

"We've talked for three years…on and off. I came all the way out here from Atlanta just to see you tonight."

"Do I look like I sound, Rita?"

"Better. But here is your picture in your yearbook."

"How did you get a hold of it?"

"Your Navy photo in the papers…"

"What's the idea, baby?"

"Don't baby me. Let's make love. You're uptight, you need to relax. Let me put on a precaution for you."

"That's for us to talk about later. Now you can talk dirty… I've heard you are a sexistentialist."

Rita and Ron get it on and he is a babe in her arms, and falls asleep.

In the morning breakfast is all ready for him and Rita is again ready for sex.

"Rita, tell me… what's this about?"

"I've been in love with you, Ron, my whole life."

"Stop."

"When you were a quarterback and played third base."

"I don't remember you."

"In the shower after practice…"

"You're not…"

"I was Reggie. No more. That was another life."

"Reggie Boston! No way!"

"All the way, Ronnie, the All-American boy."

"Oh my God."

"Disappointed?"

"Not really. It was different."

"You fell in love without any inhibition."

"Why shouldn't I? Did I ever put you down?"

"No, Ron, not even when I had a boner in the shower."

"Now I remember. I remember now."

Ron is handsome, all lapels and teeth with sparkly blue eyes and a good head of hair.

"You didn't run away from me then… or now."

"But I have to run. The wife…"

"Oh, the wifey and kids… You married Carol, the cheerleader…"

"Rita, can we do this again?"

"You mean it?"

"I never meant anything more."

"You're just being nice."

"Is that what you think? Think again. Think about last night."

"I can't let you go, ever. Not after six years of torment."

"What can I say? Call me. I'll be there… for you…"

Rita watches Ron as he drives away in his red sports car. She puts on the radio, the Bible answer man. She calls him.

"Is that you, Reverend? This is Sister Rita."

"Haven't you called before?"

"No, Reverend."

"Do you have a Bible verse to share, a testimony to give, or do you wish for all of Bible land to pray for you?"

"I feel like Mary Magdalene. In the day I'm all business, but at night I go wild. My shrink says I am two personalities, and two sexes…"

"Perhaps we can talk off the air."

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