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To Scott Holstad's previous piece

Live With It

I'll upset you
disappoint you
frighten you

the scars that are
visible
unnerve people

if only they could
see the inner scars

If I killed myself
now
would I make
the papers
would anyone care

I
already know the
answer to that
it's irrelevant
besides

I want 
the
        guilt
        hatred
        hostility
        shame
        violence
        perfectionism
        biases
        humanity
to flee
jump off
the Terminal Island
bridge

How many times
have I laid next
to you
in bed
with my arms
around you
wanting to
blow my brains out

my grave
marks my
preference
my erasure
my wholeness

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