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To Rod Mason's previous piece

Forever with Love

Allie Simons awoke at 7 A.M. right on schedule. She didn’t even need an alarm. The daylight and the birds, as always, alerted her to open her eyes. On the rare occasions when that failed, Snugger the cat would jump up and prance around on her until she got up and fed him. When the time changed to and from Daylight Savings, she and Snugger would take a few days to readjust, but it never made her late. The store was always open for business at nine, but there were rarely any customers before eleven. Some days there weren’t any at all, but Allie was always there just in case anyone needed a book to read in the large wooded park, which was right across the street.

The first thing she did was look out of her second-floor window. By observing the movement of the maple tree branches in the park, she had learned, one could tell what kind of a day it was going to be. Whether breezy, warm, or colder, she could see it in the fluttering of the leaves. She kept the window glass so clean that Snugger sometimes bumped his nose into it. Then Allie would hurry over and wipe the little smudge off.

She put her old brown skirt on. She always wore some shade of brown, and a brown or tan shirt with buttons in the front. She wore pantyhose that imitated silk stockings, and brown pumps that could have been forty-years old by the look of them. Of course they weren’t that old, Allie just liked things that looked subdued, and even lonely. It was early autumn and just a little chilly, so she pulled a brown sweater on over her shirt. She went downstairs and looked out the windows there too. There was a chill breeze blowing. She could tell by the leaves and dust moving in the park. She could even estimate the temperature. Whatever the weather, she wore the same shades of brown. She just added more or fewer layers.

“Snugger, come and eat now,” she said to the Calico.

He was a handsome cat, she thought, with his white and tan markings. Her husband, who had left two years before, had left Snugger there. It was his cat from the beginning. She didn’t like it at first, but it had seemed to grow on her. He came over to the kitchen corner reserved for him and looked at his dish in his customarily aloof manner. Allie knew he would have to study it for some time before eating. It had something to do with territory, she had read.

The clock in the hallway chimed eight times, so she walked out into the storefront and checked the park from there. The leaves were just beginning to turn. The avaricious squirrels were busily collecting nuts and seeds for the winter. Some neighbors had placed corncobs out on wooden feeders for them. They collected that as well. There were thousands of birds, it seemed. Allie loved to watch them from her large storefront windows, but she didn’t dare cross the street and leave the store unattended.

Karl was already there. He was her best customer, buying at least two books a week when the weather was warm enough to sit in the park and read them. He mostly preferred literary fiction, but he also carried poetry with him in his large pockets. Karl was a middle-aged gentleman who always walked up the sidewalk from town. He walked upright, like a soldier marching. That was how she described him to her daughter, Christine. In the summer he wore slacks in a variety of colors, and short sleeve shirts with buttons. They always matched, but hung outside of his trousers, making him appear somewhat sloppy, but comfortable. He was always alone so she assumed he wasn’t married. He would stop at the store and unhurriedly browse the bookshelves. He’d been doing that for two years, so he knew every book in the place. Nevertheless, he browsed without touching for some time, then would choose one and pay for it from a leather change purse he carried in his trouser pocket. Karl was a thin man, and walked straight up. She thought it peculiar that sometimes he seemed to be watching her from behind. She always had a strange feeling about him, like he knew something that she should also know.

She saw him and quickly walked over, fanning herself in the July heat, and carrying his coffee. He liked his coffee, and the temperature mattered little. He had white pleated shorts on, and a light-blue shirt that contrasted with his dark complexion. His arms were muscular and hairy, but not unsightly, like some hairy men were. It was warm, and he was perspiring under his chin. She watched him closely. The little droplets of perspiration trickled down his chest, snagging on the hair there. Sitting beside him, she looked closely and longingly at his moist chest.

He put a strong arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close to him. She rested her head on his round shoulder and smelled the man odors. It wasn’t unpleasant. It aroused her, and made her shudder. She knew that he could feel her involuntary movements, and it would arouse him; it always did. He was a gentleman, though; she knew he would wait until dark to touch her there.

“Good morning, Karl,” Allie said when he came in. She heard the little bell jingle when he opened the door.

“Mornin’, Ma’am.”

Karl always called her that. Months before she had told him that he could call her “Allie,” but he persisted in his formal way.

“Karl,” she said again, “You can call me by my name.”

“I wouldn’t want to be disrespectful,” he said, turning his eyes away from hers. He looked out the window toward the park when he spoke. “I was wondering, Ma’am; I haven’t seen the mister in some time….”

“Oh!” she replied abruptly, “He isn’t here anymore. I’m afraid life was just too boring for him in Mapleton. He left me and the store.”

“I thought something like that had occurred recently.”

“Oh, it was two years ago,” she said.

“My, oh my, where has the time gone?” he asked, looking at the window. “It seems like just yesterday you and he were out front with little Christine.”

“Now, Karl, you must remember? Christine was already almost twenty when you started coming here.”

“Uh, oh yes, of course,” he said apologetically. “Time seems to baffle me. I think I’ll just finish reading what I have today.” He quickly opened the door without looking at her and left.

She watched him walk across the street. He puzzled her more and more everyday. Mrs. Lower from down the street had told her something about Karl, or she would hardly know anything. He was single, and quite well off. People had told Mrs. Lower that. She didn’t actually know him. Allie guessed that he couldn’t be more than her own forty-six years. She also guessed that Mrs. Lower must have been right about his being well off. He could frequently be seen sitting in the park feeding the birds and reading his books on weekdays when other men were working.

Christine always visited on Wednesdays. Allie changed her shoes, putting on an uncomfortable newer brown pair. She couldn’t wear any other color. She knew it was compulsive behavior, but she didn’t care. It was what she had to do. She had been changing like that for several months so she wouldn’t have to listen to her daughter complain about her ugly old pumps.

“Mother, why are you still in this dreary place?” Christine asked. “Turn the lights on at least. You’ll die from loneliness in here. Why not go across the street and sit with Karl? He’s lonely too.”

Christine reminded Allie of herself at a similar age. She was tall, but with petite features, and always vivacious. Her manner was almost comedic, always smiling and laughing.

“It wouldn’t be very ladylike to just run over there and sit down with him, now would it?” She felt the sense of doom again.

“Who cares? Where does it say you have to be a lady? You should sell this place—I keep telling you. Why won’t you listen…?”

“I am listening, dear,” Allie replied. “I was talking to Karl just this morning. He’s a gentleman.”

“What does that mean—‘he’s a gentleman’?”

Allie looked down at his muscular thighs. They weren’t bulky muscles, they were more like walking muscles, she thought. In a few hours she’d get to touch them, and he would touch hers. She loved it when the darkness came to the park, and she loved him. His name was Roman. She knew they would marry someday, but for now she wished the moon would hurry.

“It means we respect each other. We don’t ‘lust’ after each other….”

“’Lust’ after each other?” Christine blurted out. “You won’t even look at each other! Mother, you’re a prune at forty-six. Your life isn’t over yet—do something with it.”

Christine left in a huff. She had given up on Allie, just like her father had two-years before. He had left her without explanation, but she didn’t need one. She had only married him because she was pregnant. Her unborn child would need a father. Christine would need a father.

She had been watching from the corner of her eye. The whole time Christine was there, Karl had been watching from his bench. He had watched them arguing, and he seemed saddened by it. She didn’t let him notice her looking, though. She never did.

She busied herself dusting the same old books she’d dusted a hundred times before. She always started alphabetically and worked her way through, moving each one enough to be sure no insects or webs were attached. She had read most of them herself, not that she was that interested, but just to while away the hours of her brown life. She called it brown. Brown was the color she had chosen to wear the day Roman was going to propose.

They held hands and walked the narrow path through the park. Their palms were sweaty, but it didn’t matter. It was part of the heat of they day. Later, it would be cooler, and they would sit under the large Willow Tree and neck and feel all over each other. There would be other couples nearby, younger ones and older ones, also necking and rubbing against each other. Sometimes she could hear the moans from other couples nearby.

In the afternoon, after she had eaten her lunch of canned chicken soup and crackers, she took her favorite chair out onto the porch. Chicken was her favorite, and the least costly to buy at the market down the street. Her husband, Clark, had left her with the old building with the storefront, which had been hers to begin with, left to her by her parents. He’d left her with little else. She knew it would soon be too cold to sit outside. While sitting there pretending to be reading a novel, she was surprised to see a handsome young man walk into the park across the street. Few young people bothered with the old park. It seemed to her that even the trees were old and tired.

The dull-gray sparrows scattered before the handsome youngster, who didn’t follow the tree-lined path, but took a direct route through the falling leaves toward Karl. Allie thought of him as a youngster, but anyone else would have seen that he was certainly an adult of at least twenty-five years. He was tall and straight, like Karl, but he didn’t look like he was used to being alone. He stood over Karl, who didn’t look up until it would have been unkindly not to do so. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they were clearly arguing. She realized that he didn’t seem to be Karl’s son, but that they were arguing about Karl sitting in the old park alone. Cocking her head trying to hear, she almost fell out of her chair. They became so animated that they scared the birds to flight. That took some effort, for these birds were accustomed to gentle Karl feeding them. It must have been a shock for them to be frightened away, she thought. They reminded her of her own plight. She wished that she could go over and sit with Karl, but the pervasive feeling of doom prevented it.

“Poor man,” she said aloud, shaking her head.

She could hear the voices, but not the words. They became heated, and louder. The young man pointed over at the store, clearly trying to get Karl to look over, or go over. Karl was taking the high road, she observed. He remained seated and dignified. Finally, throwing his hands up in apparent frustration, the handsome youngster turned and left.

“FOOL! –Wasting a second chance at eternity,” she heard him exclaim as he strode back through the trees.

Watching closely now, she could see that Karl was very distraught. That was a strange thing to say, she thought—“Eternity?” Another perplexing thing she experienced at that moment; she could not recall what the strange young fellow looked like, and she didn’t recall seeing him leave the park.

She held his head in her lap, stroking his hair and dreamily watching the other lovers in the park. Some were hugging and kissing, while others were nearly indecently coupled. Most, like them, just sat and whispered promises that only people in love could contemplate.

She wanted to cross the street and comfort him. They plainly had things to share, to cry about together. They both had interesting pasts to tell about, she was sure, but she had not crossed the street to the park since her philandering husband had been there, flaunting his hussy for all the neighbors to see. He had sat with the hussy on the very bench where Karl sat almost everyday. She knew that Karl must know about it. When he had first started frequenting the park she thought he was mocking her by sitting there. But she came to realize that he couldn’t be cruel even if he had reason to be. It wasn’t in him.

He reminded her so much of Roman. She had loved him from the first glance. As a child she loved him. They loved each other throughout the early years. When he went to war, she waited. She waited in Mapleton for his return. He returned a hero, and asked her to marry him. They loved sitting in the park together. It was where she became a woman. She hadn’t been naďve enough to think she was his first, but it was her first. Christine had been conceived under a Willow Tree in a park named for Maple Trees, surrounded by gray sparrows and greedy squirrels. She had worn her brown and tan outfit for the occasion. A brown skirt with a slit up the back, and a tan shirt—it was Roman’s choice. He had said it wouldn’t show the dirt from sitting under the tree. If only the gloom would go away, she thought; perhaps she could go over and sit with Karl, and pretend it was an earlier time.

“It will be a girl, I’m sure,” she said in her low sexy voice.

“Does it matter?” Roman had replied. “We will love the child no matter what.”

Karl was leaving for the day. It would soon be getting dark, and the chill breeze was stiffening. She became nervous when she realized that he was coming over.

“What could he want at this time of day?” she asked herself.

“Allie,” he said shyly. It was the first he had called her by name. “I’ve been meaning to ask; how is Christine?”

“Why she is fine. Do you know her, Karl?”

She was surprised at his query. Why would he ask that, she wondered. She immediately realized that he was reading her thoughts.

“No, I do not, but I would like to,” he said, looking up at her on the rickety old porch. “Might I meet her sometime soon?”

She didn’t know what to say; “Uh—why, I think she would be happy to meet you. She’s married, you know? She’s married to a lawyer down in Middletown, and only gets up here about once a month.”

“I’ll be by everyday until it gets too cold,” he said. “Perhaps you could mention it to her, please.”

He seemed to be expecting something, she noticed. She struggled inside, knowing what she had to do. She forced herself to look at him and was surprised to find him looking up into her face. She was embarrassed—she knew she was showing her fear.

“Karl….”

“Yes, Allie—what is it?”

She knew he saw the gloom on her face. The tears would soon become visible. She couldn’t let him see that.

“What are you reading?” he asked, breaking the tension.

“Oh, it’s a fantasy…a novel about reincarnation. FOREVER WITH LOVE, I’m sure it wouldn’t interest you.”

“Don’t be too sure,” he said gently. “May I have it when you’re finished?”

“Certainly you may…uh, Karl I find this difficult. Please…would you come inside for coffee with me when you come by in the morning? I’ll call Christine tonight.”

“I would love to, yes. Perhaps, if I may be so bold, someday you could join me in the park?”

“Oh, I do not think that is possible.” She looked out over his head to the park behind him. It was a cold place to her, a scary place.

“Well…very well then,” he said, nodding his head. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

As he turned and walked down the street, she tucked her novel under her arm and carried the chair back inside. She went to the kitchen and fed Snugger, who was standing on the table surveying his domain. She sat down and watched the animal eat. Like her, Snugger ate the same thing at the same time everyday. She glanced up at the phone on the wall, and decided to wait a while before calling Christine. She was worried. What if Christine agreed to meet him? Who was he? It seemed a silly question to her, but she couldn’t help asking it. It was in his eyes; she saw it there when he looked up at her. What was it? Why did she feel so attracted to him? She suddenly had so many questions that it made her mind spin.

“Allie, there was an accident last night,” her mother said when she awoke. She had been sitting on the edge of the bed waiting. “I must tell you—Roman….”

If not for unborn Christine, Allie’s life would have ended there. She had to give birth—she wanted to give birth to Roman’s child.

“What will I do, Mother?”

“You will do what you must,” her mother had replied. “The child needs a father, and you will need a husband. The boys always used to call you…marry one of them, for the child’s sake.”

She had thought it would be comforting to stay across from their park, she and Roman’s park. It wasn’t the same, though; Roman wasn’t there. She couldn’t tell anyone, especially Christine.

While discussing the day’s events with Snugger, she ate her soup and sandwich and drank her usual cup of unsweetened tea. Then she sat by the front windows and read herself to sleep. It was almost midnight when she awoke again, too late to call Christine. She got the coffee ready to brew first thing in the morning, and then hurried to her shower and bed. She hesitated at the bathroom mirror. She didn't have a mirror in her bedroom; she had removed it a year earlier. She didn’t see any hope there, no purpose. Her appearance was bland and devoid of meaning. She recalled her old make-up case in her closet, and her clothing that she’d carefully stored. She almost opened the closet door, but thought better of it. What’s the use, she asked herself for the thousandth time?

Snugger made purring sounds and rubbed all around her ankles. He anxiously waited for his breakfast. He had not only had to wake her, he also had to beg to get his bowl filled. Allie was late for what could be a very important meeting. What if he asked for more than coffee? She didn’t have anything but some old cereal that she’d gotten for her grandson, Roth, almost a year before. It’s too late to worry now, she told herself, knowing it wouldn’t matter. She would worry anyway.

She pretended not to notice him step onto the porch, but waited for his knock. He knocked so solidly on the old wooden door that she thought he might hurt his knuckles. She opened the door wide, and put on the most courageous face she could. Somehow, however, she knew it wouldn’t fool him. She was terrified—the doom and gloom that her doctor had warned her about was strong. Karl would surely see it….

“Good morning, Allie….”

“G-Good morning, Karl,” she stammered. She couldn’t recall ever stuttering before.

“You’re afraid of me,” he said. “I won’t hurt you.”

He was dressed appropriately for a date, she thought. He had on a pair of pleated slacks. She had noticed that he preferred pleated trousers. They were khaki in color and fit him snugly. She hadn’t noticed before, but he was well built for his age. He appeared to be very fit, and was not overweight. He had taken care of himself, she concluded.

“No, not really afraid,” she replied. “I’m sort of nervous about my old house though. It’s a mess.”

It sort of embarrassed her. She thought that he was dressed better than she was. She tried not to glance down at herself. It took all of her willpower. She had her usual browns on. It was a brown dress today, just for him. Somehow, though, it no longer seemed appropriate. At first it had seemed right, but now she had doubts. She hoped it didn’t show on her face.

“Oh, I really doubt that I’ll find any messes here,” he said, looking into her eyes.

She almost stuttered again, but caught herself, “Well, come in then, please. The coffee is on. Do you smell it?”

“Yes I do,” he said. “Please forgive my stare—I seem to be having trouble keeping my eyes off of you.”

She shuddered. It brought back memories. She looked directly into his eyes for the first time. She saw something very familiar, very safe and lovely. She almost reached out. He seemed to be inviting her to. She turned and walked quickly to the kitchen, assuming that he would follow. When she got there, she realized that he had lingered in the bookstore. She put the coffee on her only serving tray and took it to him. He had picked up the novel she was reading, FOREVER WITH LOVE.

denly, she heard a car pull up out front. Oh no, not a customer, she said to herself. She was shocked when Christine bounced up onto the porch. She had her little boy, Roth, with her. Karl stepped over and let them in. She was startled again. Roth, normally shy, looked up at Karl and reached out with his little hand, “Hello,” he said. Karl returned the greeting and shook his hand. Christine, she noticed, was staring at Karl.

Gathering some badly needed courage, she asked, “Christine, what are you doing here today?”

“Uh, I’ll explain,” Karl interrupted. “I’m afraid I took the liberty of looking up her number and calling her. I assumed, correctly I think, that you would forget to do it.” He looked at Allie with obvious affection as he spoke.

Christine also seemed shaken, a surprise to Allie. She didn’t feel so badly, seeing Christine’s similar reaction to him.

“Chris, I won’t keep you,” Karl said in a strong deep voice. “I know that I’ve taken you away from your normal day. Please take this book along and read it. Then come back and visit. Please bring your husband, and Roth. We’ll be great friends.” He looked affectionately at Roth, who bent over backward to return the look.

Christine took the novel, FOREVER WITH LOVE, without question, as if it was what she came there to do. Allie’s head swam in never-ending circles. Christine questioned everything. What was this power he seemed to have over her?

“Allie,” Karl said lovingly, “I’ll be in the park…please join me.”

“Well, mother, you know what to do,” Christine said. “This is your chance, you have to beat that doom and gloom demon yourself, and now is the time. I can’t do it for you.” She thumbed through the novel as she spoke, obviously anxious to start reading it.

Allie watched Christine drive away, and Karl cross the street to the park. She was alone again, and the coffee remained untouched. She quickly took the pot back to the kitchen and put it on a warm burner. Then she went upstairs to her room without a mirror. She ripped the closet door open and took out her old brightly colored make-up case. It had a little mirror on the inside of the lid. Many of her old clothes hung there on padded hangers.

Forty-five minutes later she looked out the upstairs window. Karl was still there, in the park on his favorite bench. The sun was shining brightly. She could see that it was a fine warm day. Sitting back down, she took one last look into the little mirror.

She was beautiful, and she suddenly felt beautiful. She had on an orange sweater that fit snuggly around her thin neck. It revealed her shapely breasts, which she had forgotten she had. Her lipstick was the same shade, as was the hint of rouge on her cheeks. She wore a reddish, rust-colored hat with a narrow brim. There was a bright-orange flower embroidered on the front with green leaves around it. She beamed into the mirror—her facial muscles had to stretch to accommodate the unusually broad smile. Her eyes were large, but her nose was small, and slightly pointed. She was glad that she had taken care of her teeth over the years. It surprised her to see how white and sparkly they were. There were some fine lines around her eyes, but she didn’t think they were unsightly, just natural.

Collecting all the courage she could find, she hurried down to the kitchen and poured some coffee into an old porcelain cup with a porcelain lid. She then stepped out onto the porch and was quickly warmed by the sun. Across the street, Karl appeared to be elated as he stood up, watching her. She didn’t hesitate, but hurriedly walked across to the shaded park.

Rushing into his outstretched arms, she looked up at him and said; “I recall that you used to like me to bring you your coffee in the park this way….”

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