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Sometimes Suicide Is Not EnoughTo Tony Gallucci's next piece

Melissa in the Year of Nothing Else to Do

It was you
insisted we do it
standing up
convinced me
wet legs wrapped around my hips
arms folding me rosebud around you
hot breath on huffing cheeks
bitten tongues
sweat/cum splatting on the floor
sliding two directions at once

we fell back to the bed exhausted
and smiled sideways

but you never wanted it like that again
it was ecstasy then, it's a nightmare now

i got it once
got it when you drove a hundred miles
to split a violent thunderstorm
then vanished before light
before we could walk in fog
under spanish moss
while the owls hooted up the dawn
it was ecstasy then, it's a nightmare now

i still have the sliver of moon you gave me
one frozen night sleeping-not sleeping
above the guadalupe river
we fought the zipper on one old sleeping bag
then gave up
do you still have orion's belt
gift from me that night
it was ecstasy then, it's a nightmare now

i imagine you lying on the cool st. augustine
of your city fringe yard
your voice a whisper-not whisper
above the freeway thumping
of teenage chevies
heartbeat of america
are you trying to show your daughter
to warn her
of that belt lost in the mercury vapor haze?
i'd bet you think better of it
you might see me
and remember that piece of moon passed
hand to hand, heart to heart
it was ecstasy then, it's a nightmare now

i'm a prophet
you'll see
some late night
astronomical convergence
quarter moon passing through orion
three stars in a silver bowl
that lithe archer will yank her dress to her chest
they'll fuck standing up
and the pull of the tides
will wake you in the night
scream suppressed
teeth buried in your lip
feeling the pull of everything
we talked about but never did
it was ecstasy then, it's a nightmare now

but we were going opposite directions
weren't we
deliverance for me
serenity for you
a convergence too
too brief

now your picture lingers beside my bed
singing river songs
and i wonder
if you ever drive out from austin alone
at night
to find that belt
that constricting gift
gift from me?
it was ecstasy then, it's a nightmare now

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