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Spacesuck

The Beethoven burst through brilliant-blue-reflecting-space-gas, steely-sleek and deadly, like the cool-jewel-super-tool it was. Sharp-pointed and multi-faceted, the ship shone blue-black, supersolen spiking power levels to incredible highs, which translated into seriously extreme weapons, speed, maneuverability and shields. NOTHING in the known universe could touch the B. It was one of a kind. And unless the slight, handsome man snoring in the comfort-cove behind the Captain’s chair decided to build another, it would remain so. Even as frozen vapor tapered beautifully off the hardened hull, the sleeper was being rudely shaken awake by his lone companion, who with his free arm was spastically gesticulating toward a point somewhere outside the solid walls. He rattled on without waiting, heedless of wakefulness or comprehension.

“That fuckin’ hell-hole has already sucked-up EVERYTHING within a trillion miles of it’s epicenter and it’s growin’ exponentially! I’ve NEVER registered spacesuck exceeding 19 on the Lucifer Scale, and this sonofabitch is peggin’ 36 and risin’!” The sleeper was cogent now, a worried expression already dominating his features. “Screen it! Let’s see what the fuck you're yammering about man.” The big, bearded, first speaker immediately complied, tapping the nearby sensi-stud panel and causing the entire fore to burst into a multi-color, streaming holo-light replication of the staggering space anomaly. “Jesus Christ!” the smaller man started, “This ain’t right Red!” “No shit Cap! What gave you the first fuckin’ clue? And we’re movin’ toward it, FAST!” “Don’t tell me we’re caught!” “We’re caught.” “Red! Red! What the fuck man?! You get zooted while I was sleepin’?” “No! It fuckin’ snuck-up on me man! It was peggin’ 26 at almost a trillion! A TRILLION! And the hole isn’t the size of a pea like it’s supposed to be! It’s the size of a fuckin’ planet! Who’s ready for that?” “Apparently not you.” “Fuck you man!” “Ok! Ok! Don’t get your nuts in a bunch. Lemme think…” “Ya, well think quick. E.T.A. to oblivion, 112 ticks.” “Two hours! How? We’re a trillion away! You’re spikin’ me past paranoid man…” “Sorry Cap, I’m ridin’ up with ya. Speeds increasin’ as the damn thing keeps growin.’ This is truly fucked.” “Shit-shit-shit…OK! Break out a bing of that Z-2 we grew, I gotta COMMUNE.” “Yea sure. I’m on it.”

Long moments passed while Red busied himself cleaning stalks and packing the auto-pipe, and Cap stared mesmerized into the fantastic streamer. When he was finished, the second mate brought the bing to his Commander. Cap silently accepted, sucking pungent smoke into his lungs immediately. Red stood behind him, making no attempt to end the Bogart as his Leader puffed and pondered, puffed and pondered, puffed and pondered, until…eyes red and gleaming he started screaming, “Yesss! Yeessss! That’s it! I fuckin’ GOT IT!”, so fast it sounded like an insect’s buzz. Cap’s face was animated, but his body remained seated and slack, relaxed in the Z-state which lent wings to his thoughts. Red stuck a deccelerator to his throat so his speech would be slowed to slightly intelligible as he continued, “We got a BIG break that the epicenter is unusually large. Everything in there is gonna be sub-atomic and beyond physical law. I hypothesize that a controlled burst of supersolen over the complete hull at the precise moment of transition should allow us to avoid pulverizaton long enough to BREAK THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE!” “The OTHER side? And just where the fuck is THAT Cap? It’s gonna be hard dumpin our crop in some goddam alternate universe that could be Hell for all we know!” “Does it really matter? Think of the alternative my brother. We’re GOIN in. The question is, as powder, or people?” “Yea, I see your point. Damn! Aright! What’da we gotta do?” “First things first, bing-up. I can’t fuckin’ take the eternity of your answers right now.” “Sorry.” Red took the flat, circular bing from Cap’s slack grasp, attaching an accelerator to his own voice-port as he did. Then he sat in the co-pilot’s seat and began hitting the liquid-Z button while suckin’ on the opposite end of the auto-pipe that Cap did, drinking the active ingredients instead of smoking them. Soon, he was up to speed, or near enough speed anyway, cause NOBODY flew as fast as Cap. Still, the difference in real-time would easily be minimized by the vocal hardware now, and they could converse comfortably. “K Red, here’s the deal. I need you to adjust the superdense to leave a ¼ inch gap between hull an shield.” “And then?” “Then we extrude supersolen through a port until it encases the B and THEN…” “Yea…” “Well, then it gets tricky.” “THEN it gets tricky huh? I suppose you already did the projections regarding force needed at spacesuck epicenter, velocity at intersection ecetera, ecetera, ecetera…” “Sure, of course, why would I be talkin’?” “Cap, that IS the fuckin’ tricky part.” “Yea, yea, ain’t I smart. Now listen up. We’re gonna hafta keep the ss between TWO layers of sd, one thin against the ship, one thick and holdin’ the ss. The thick will hold the supersolen even durin’ the bumpy ride sure to come. The thin will allow us to protect ourselves by thickening it at the precise moment, making the energy transfer quicker and insuring no explosive is stuck to the hull. We’ll still need some segmented superdense in that outer layer though, just enough to hold the gel for a split-second, the blow away in sections without force impingement.” “So, you want 90% of the superdense moved ¼ inch at the exact pre-detonation moment, right?” “Ummm, yea, only I need more like 99%.” “And HOW fast am I sposed ta do this?” “Well, you’ll have about…one second?” “One second? One fuckin’ second…Jesus!” “Yea.” “I don’t think I can do that.” “Oh, you can do it.” “Hope so.” “Well, let’s see. Calibrate it. Then I’ll time ya.” “K. This is gonna take awhile with my hands in slowzone. You might as well relax.” After what seemed like hours to their Z accelerated brains, Red said, “K. Let’s try it. Time the transferal.” At a mutual nod, his fingers danced surgically delicate over the superdense sensi-screen with what would have been dazzling speed and precision if they were straight. Then he looked to his Leader, question unspoken, but understood. “You got the time the first try man! Excellent! But ya left 6% of the superdense in the outer layer. If ya leave more than 1%, we implode. So don’t do that, K?” “K.” “I mean, you’re in the ballpark, so I KNOW you can do it.” “Yea.” “You wanna try again?” “No.” “Didn’t think so. Let’s play speed-chess while we wait. Otherwise it’s gonna take fuckin’ forever.” “Cool.”

Cap twiddled his slow thumbs while Red, seemingly moving like molasses, took the gameboard from it’s niche under his seat and popped a solen plug into it. Immediately, differently shaded blue/green holofield pieces appeared, properly arranged over the familiar-silver 3-D grid where the intellectual battle would take place. The finishing touch came when both men inserted nasal interfaces, field-linking their brainwaves and allowing real-time, Z-state play. Hence the name “speed-chess”. And Cap and Red were experts, the equivalent of Grand Masters at least, although Cap never really tried his hardest, finding it tough to truly care without life or death pressure. If he was playing for keeps however, it’s doubtful any organic being in the known universe could defeat him. Tuned in now, they began playing, various geometric game-pieces winking from spot to spot in a blur, or disappearing completely as they were captured and removed from the grid. Twice more they packed the pipe and re-booted brain speed, while the slow-time streamer kept perspective and the hellishly gorgeous suckhole loomed larger and larger, until…

“O.K. Red, it’s time. Ready?” “Flyin’ fast and true my brother.” “K. Grab an extruder. I’ll get the ss.” With slowzone movement Red pulled the pump from it’s cubbyhole and Cap rolled a compression barrel of ss from the rear of the ship. Soon they were set to pump explosive between the pre-calibrated superdense layers. “Push-push Cap.” “Yea-yea.” The ship-builder stuck a plug and ss quickly encased the B. The streamer image was overwhelming now, showing the incredible center of the monstrous black hole spacesucking with power inconceivable. For a speedzone moment the pair enjoyed the buzz and view. Then Cap winked at his lifelong friend and grow partner. The two had been together so long they knew without speaking, but Cap had to vocalize it. “This prob’ly isn’t gonna work.” “I know.” “So.” “So.” “Three minutes Red and in we go. Wish I was straight so it wasn’t so slow.” “Oh, I don’t know about that. Gleam the stream.” “Yea.” Then…eyes back to the streamer as the pair shared the spectacle of infinity being crushed without despair. In full Z-state and tuned to the nature of existence, there was no fear, no doubt. Only clarity, and acceptance of reality as it unfolds. Zoot was a genetically engineered mutation of peyote, marijuana, mescaline and more. Even the common carrot had ended up in the final mix. Many years before Red and Cap had actually met Z, the mad scientist who created the illegal holy-herb. After learning at the feet of the master, and in the ensuing years since, the two had developed into superb growers; and with the help of the B, damn good smugglers as well. It goes without saying that in their adventures they had survived many close-calls, but never one gnarlier than this…

The epicenter completely dominated the streamer now, black grinding into blacker, all the beauty of the color and light distortions behind them. It was ominous and terrible at such close range and, despite being in full Z-state the pair shuddered. Amazingly, the supersolen powered Beethoven, with it’s Cap-invented superdense shield, was holding up well under the tremendous forces at work. The ship barely vibrated with the strain, although any other craft would have already been long destroyed. “K Red. We’re under 3 minutes to detonation now. Stay sharp.” “Yea-yea.” Red tore his gaze from the amazing streamer with some difficulty, focusing on the chrono countdown and the sd touch-pad. Cap, as was his wont, chilled, enjoying the show, even though they might have to go. “Whoa.” was all he said. Even in Z-State the possible last moments of your life fly by, and very quickly they were there. Red let out an involuntary gasp as the clock struck and he manipulated the superdense flux and blew the supersolen. Sight still glued to the streamer, Cap screamed a sound that was both ecstasy and fear. The B shook violently-silent inside the blast, the thick layer of sd maintaining perfect soundproofing. And then…THEY WERE THROUGH!

The power drain to the sd had winked-off the streamer and all extraneous systems, so the pair sat in the dim-lit shell, safe but way lost. “We’re through. Whadawe do?” Red said. “Don’t move. Don’t risk anything. Maintain sd intensity and launch a gravity-wave probe so we don’t have to compromise the s.d..” “K.” Again Red manipulated a touch pad. Cap was slowing down now, so he re-booted speed via the pipe, handing it to Red just as he said, “Probes away.” “Cool.” They smoked in silence as the slowzone sensors absorbed the outer surroundings, then fed data to the mainframe. When it was there Cap re-tuned his nasal link and absorbed the info at Z-speed. The immediately stunned look on his face instantly paranoia-spiked Red, “Wha…what is it man?” “Iyee…dunno.” “You donno…” “Yea…I’m getting nothing solid at all, everthing’s energy.” “Dangerous energy?” “In widely dispersed bursts, yes, but nothin’ near us right now. Doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way though, cause the whole thing seems to be happenin’ at random.” ”Wanna risk the streamer? We should take a look.” “Well…ok. But you should make it quick. We can always replay to our hearts content later.” “True. So that’s what we’ll do.” Again the big man did his thing, while Cap gleamed the stream bay, waiting for the slowzone image. When it finally appeared it was sudden, and very strange…

“Whoa.” Cap started, “What the FUCK is this?” Images morphed unrecognizable, yet vaguely familiar within the slowzone image. Without the Z-acceleration it’s doubtful familiarity would have been discernible whatsoever, so quick were the transformations. Everything was wispy blue, and when images formed they were ethereal, ghost-like. Red stood behind his friend now, tapping his shoulder and saying, “Look…” The smaller man turned and saw his friend nod toward the chrono, which had stopped at the exact moment of entry. “Has time really stopped Cap?” “Dunno.” “This is pretty fucked-up man.” “No shit Sherlock.” Looking back to the slowzone streamer Red said, “That look’s like a…” he tapped the streamer screen, manipulating the picture frame to a wider view, then one more time before continuing, “a shoe.” “It’s getting bigger.” Cap replied. “Yea.” “Losing structural integrity now Red.” “Yea it’s gone. But you saw it too, right?” “Ya-ya.” Red re-booted speed via the auto-pipe and passed it on to his Leader, who also ingested the sacred herb. “Wha…”, the big man started to say something, but stopped, sensing the acceleration was pushing Cap somewhere. He stared blankly into the streamer, but Red knew the reality behind that mask to be awesome. Suddenly the streamer image changed, a human face forming which was millions of miles across. It was Red, subtly altered to look really goofy. Looking at Red’s face Cap abruptly started laughing, hard and loud. Red looked at him for a second, still stunned, then…a grin became a sound, became an uncontrollable outburst of joy as the old friends fed off each other’s faces and cracked ALL up. Long, happy moments drifted by before the sweet sounds subsided and Cap said, “You shoulda seen your face man! It was like triple beyond-beyond! Uglier than the one I made out there!" And both started laughing again for another sincere moment. Red, who was a little more normal than Cap, then got serious and asked, “Ok bro, seriously, what’s goin on? What’dya figure out?”

In a true schizophrenic moment, Cap changed the mood from glad to sadness. “We’ve found the stuff Kings are made of my friend…” “Wha…” “We’re in God’s brain.” “What!?” “God’s brain dude.” “Whoa. How do you know?” “That last re-boot sent me beyond-beyond, and I realized the energy was on the same wavelength as the microtubule web man.” “Uh, yea. The microtubule web. What is that again?” “Only the physical root of consciousness stupid. The place where dreams and reality converge in the brain? It’s been purely hypothetical, till now.” “Sooo… what’s the deal?” “We are in the place where all things possible exist. And the black hole is like a recycler, sucking shit back in.” “Hmm. So what’s pushin’ shit out in the first place?” “GOD man.” “That’s heavy. But why do you say that?” “Because the energy bursts are identical to the energy bursts in the human mind. God made man in his own image?” “Well that doesn’t mean…” “Yea it does, because wherever the bursts occur things are transported. Of course these objects are on multiple scales and exist here only as energy, but when God’s microtubule web acts upon them they scale, solidify and disappear.” “To where?” “I assume back to the universe.” “You said they scale?” “Yea. It’s a constant. Everythin’ that is hit by the monstrous microtubule energy is instantly on the same scale as us…and it gets solid and goes.” “Wow…that’s cool! And pretty fuckin’ scary huh?” “Red, this proves all there is to life is what we know. Once we’re gone it’s here we go. No time. No mass. No life. Just…existence. Energy in God’s mind.” “Energy in God’s mind…” Red seemed stunned by the enormity of the revelation, he looked a little weird, and Cap eyed him closely. “You ok?” he asked. Red seemed to turn a corner in his mind and he laughed out loud before looking at his friend with wild eyes and saying, “Well, it beats hell, don’t it?” “True, true.” “I guess we really didn’t expect it to be all angels and shit anyways right?” “Right-right.” Though they pretended to blow it off, both men were shaken. The thought that you were just a thought was NOT comforting.

For a few speedzone minutes they sat silent, then Cap said, “Ya better kill the streamer dude. Put all the juice back in the sd. We could still get fucked-up here.” “Yea-yea.” “Ya ready to go?” “Huh?” “I said you ready to go?” “You mean, you KNOW how to get outta here?” “Pretty sure. There is a vibration field prior to each energy burst. Theoretically, we should be able to locate one and ride it back home.” “That would be good.” “Refill the bing, I’m goin’ back out, I gotta do some calculations.” “Good thing this stuff has few to no side-effects, cause your hittin’ it heavy bro.” “Once we’re outta here I’ll stick to weed for a month, I promise.” “It’s gonna take that long to slow down. But ok. I’ll go with ya as far as I can man.” “Cool.” Again they ingested the sacred drug, their minds diverging and rocketing along different paths. Cap, occupied with the astounding logistical complications, Red with more esoteric matters. Slowzone minutes drifted by, hours in their Z-state heads, then…

“K Red. I got it. We do everything we did to get in here ‘cept we re-tune the thin, segmented outer layer of sd to match the microtubule energy. The timing on this one is gonna be different though. We…” Cap noticed his friend wasn’t listening, but rather staring at his hands vacantly. “Yo! Listen-up man! This is how we’re getting outta here…” “Wha…oh! Sorry. Got lost in the groove for a minute there. I’m back. You were saying…” “Yea. We do everything the same ‘cept re-tune the thin, outer layer of sd to match the microtubule energy. This’ll make us seem like we’re part of the natural process. We’ll have plenty of time to calibrate, so no rush there, but the timing at the moment of transfer is gonna be tight. You gotta blow it as the energy bursts. I can give you a pretty accurate time, within a second or two, but your gonna hafta FEEL the exact moment.” Red was still in a strange, fey mood from his recent Z-state epiphany, and his reply was out of character, “I can do that.” he said flatly. Cap gave him a funny look, then said “Ok. I’m pickin-up the start of the vibration sequence about an hour from here. We should be able to make it there in time to ride the burst back into time. We can calibrate and re-Zoot on the way. K?” “K.” Soon they were there, and Red was good as his word, and they were through…

“We’re only about an hour off course Red! Not bad!” Red still didn’t look right, something he thought of in that last Z–boost…”Cap, I was thinkin, what if…”, he hesitated, unsure if he should voice it and make it real. Cap felt the tension and spoke soft, “Go ahead Red. Whatever it is, ya gotta let it out.” “Well, what if it wasn’t GOD’S brain? What if it was the Devil’s…” “Shhhh!” Cap cut him short. “Let that go by brother. It’s not true. Just let it go.” And they dropped it, but at the next port they both bought silver crosses, and wore them for the rest of their lives.


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