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I have a fantasy in which the gun enters my mouth and blows off my scalp, not the back of my head or anything, just the scalp in a crown-shape, nice and neat. I have this fantasy while walking up and down the hall unable to sleep any further but disinterested in any other activity. It's kind of a low, distant noise and a pressure in my ears that tells me my medication is either too weak or too strong and always will be until I can no longer walk up and down the hall