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Fortune
Beside her L.A. lakefront, in her mumu, Mrs. Cassandra, the fortune teller, sat listening to industrial music. Her son Carlos was out earning a living as a hustler, a development that Mrs. Cassandra encouraged and was reaping the rewards of. Carlos too was lucky at love as well as the cards that predicted his fate. He has gotten to meet Barney Stitt, the movie mogul, and Barney has already given him work as an extra in "The Untamed One."
Barney has given Carlos an allowance and a salary and is setting him up with Morton Blixton, his own agent. Barney looks like a taller Elton John in a dyed red crewcut and wears that late 70's male foundation make-up and a flimsy scarf around his chicken neck. Morty has a gray mini-pompadour and granny glasses, wears a plaid sharkskin suit and bears an expression both hangdog and shrewd.
"What I won't do for Carlos, Mort."
"Well, I've heard what Carlos does for you is beyond the natural."
"Well, I do have to function with all my bodily needs. Can I help it if I once weighed 250 in grammar school? Look how slim I've become, Mort."
"Thanks to me and Richard Simmons."
"Don't you think I've been generous and grateful to you, Mort?"
Mort picks his teeth with one of Barney's leather toothpicks.
"Well, it was I who discovered Carlos... like all of the young turks. I found him on the Strip. He had escaped the Tenderloin at fifteen... an obvious runaway stud..."
"You gave him a ride, Barney, didn't you?" Mort laughs shrilly.
"I didn't want you to have to test him, a busy gentleman like yourself..."
"Where does Carlos get the testosterone?"
"On loan from the Almighty... and what a future he has with me. I'm getting him a car for Christmas... he's already picked it out."
"Where is the kid, anyway?"
"I hope he's learning his lines for 'The Untamed One.'"
Carlos walks into Mort's office and looks at Barney with his arms crossed and a maternal, teasing expression. He is light brown with dark wavy hair, cow eyes and prominent chest muscles, wearing a tight half-open red and blue flannel shirt tied under the rib cage, and khaki Tommy Hilfiger pants.
"Daddy's here..."
"Hi, big Daddy..."
"You haven't been with anyone else today... You know, Carlos, I want you to save up everything for me."
"With him, there's always enough to go around."
Mort lays a hand on Carlos; Carlos slaps him. Mort snickers.
"Now, Mort... you and Carlos wouldn't be two-timing me?"
"Now, Barney..."
"The kid won't lie to daddy. He's gonna sit in my lap, aren't you Carlos?"
"Whatever you say, Papi."
"I got your Christmas car keys for you and a part in a big movie. How does that grab you?"
"By the balls -- right Carlos?"
Mort shows his protruding teeth which he never forgave his parents for not having fixed.
"What a future I've planned for him. He's no run of the mill house boy. Carlos has class, don't you?"
"Like you, Barney..."
"When I was a kid, I came out here to L.A. from Brooklyn following the Dodgers... I like a guy like Carlos; he knows when to be quiet, knows to speak when asked... He ain't no busybody like you, Auntie Morton."
"I do my best for you, Barney."
"Morty doesn't know that even being a pimp for Barney Stitt is an honor."
"I do, boss."
They go outside into the pink sunlight. Barney takes the car keys out of this pocket.
"Here, kid, try the new car. Let me go with you on your virgin ride. I like to sit beside a young stud like you; makes me feel young." Carlos drives away. They go up to Malibu.
"I didn't want to tell you, Carlos... I'm thinking of dropping Mort... He's getting too big for his pants size... You know what I mean... I've put you in my will, Carlos... since my sister Rosie died... I got nobody else..."
"Thanks, boss."
Barney and Carlos drive up to the mountains and Barney starts to drink heavily and with one slight push from Carlos, Barney Stitt passes to the great beyond. The only problem was that in the will it stipulated that only if Barney died from natural causes would anyone get his money. Mrs. Cassandra put her hands up. But she still has faith in Carlos, even after the police showed up asking questions. Mort assured them that Barney had a bad heart, and he was all alone at the time of his strange death. Mort has had his fortune done by Mrs. Cassandra, and Carlos and he have moved in together.
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