zonked out of head, making mistakes taking things like red marbles from people I don't know, numbered and lettered, swallowing them down on empty stomach in morning alarm bells which seem to rattle through my already throbbing ears, as in lightning striking a retards head with the rubbery legs, I manage to make it into work.
paranoid & confused about calling in ill on such short notice.
it felt like someone had slipped me about 20 sleeping pills, in my morning coca-cola. this shit sure aint vicodin.
my hands were numb like funny bones hitting corners in the dark. everything moved in slow motion, peoples voices were part of the scenery, but I couldn't hear well, I managed to put some books on my cart, to try and stuff the shelves with more useless novels no one ever buys, that don't fit, unless they have an assignment for school or something.
another worker passed me, and in this robotic slow motion voice said "where are we going goat man?" he walked away snickering before I could ask him what he meant.
the books became all blurry, couldn't alphabetize, my eyes wanted nothing but rest, my body like some rag doll made of rubber putty and wobbly weeble wobbles. What did I fukin take, I kept thinking to myself, trying not to fall face first on the ground.
i was in no condition to be out in public, let alone an 8-hour shift.
all these books, & I cant stand up, suddenly my boss passes by me,
"how are u today Mallory?" he said in that same slow motion voice. "why are u wearing a sweater?" he asked , his voice sounding even stranger then before.
"I got a cold ." I managed to mutter, with chills shooting up my spiny rubber backbone, almost falling over, sort of swaying from side to side. It was a hundred degrees outside.
"right on brother." He said, laughing and walking away in a quick, I'm busy, manager style.
Why did he just call me Mallory? Why did he say right on brother, he never says that. maybe he knows im fuked up bad. I fukled up bad.
this is not going to work, I need to tell them I'm sick. A girl who had hooked me up on whatever it was I had taken came up to me. "How are u doing today jerk face?" she asked, in this daffy duck voice.
i tried to whisper to her, "I can't stand up, I'm going to fall down if I don't get out of here." She looked concerned,. "so u took one of those?" she asked.
then right as I was about to answer, another employee came up and budded into our conversation. Hush hush. I space walked away towards the free coffee, maybe I just need some caffeine. I guzzled down 2 coffees, trying to avoid people & bosses. Looking outside I could feel the warm weather radiating against the hot texas pavement, which seemed to almost sizzle with pure burning humidity.
i swayed back to my work area, the coffee seemed to make things worse. Now my eyelids kept closing. 50 milligrams of morphine my ass, I bet its ruphenol, ambien, or some date rape sleeping pill drug. I tired to trick my body into thinking I was fine, that everything was just dandy, but my legs and my sleepless brain were having none of that nonsense.
my eyes were like bowling balls in a tent, bouncing off a trampoline. walking by the assistant manager, I mumble " I'm really sick today." thinking she may have a heart and tell me to go home.
"we all a bunch of sickos here honey." She says, in this granny voiced British monkey accent.
i thought of my warm bed, my air conditioner, the girlfriend, her kisses on my zonked head. My snuggle headed squishy cat.
Calgon- take me away!
I walk into the public restroom, flushing all three un-flushed toilets. I sit on the can, close my eyes. Next thing I know, I wake up on the bathroom floor about 10 minutes later. FUK! I think to myself. I get up, splashing cold water on my face, go back out there, no one seems to notice I was missing for the last ten minutes. I try and walk back to my work area, but end up tripping over some invisible chair. i fall down right in front of a bunch of customers. All the other employees notice it as well. My boss looks pissed off. He comes up to me. ":what's the deal here today Mr.!?"
"I' all dizzy man, I have a head cold and the flu , I need rest.."
"Come here a minute!" he says, grabbing my arm, and pulling me into his office.
he starts pointing his finger in my face. I hate fingers in my face.
"i think your fukled up on something Mr.! U can't pull one over on me with this I'm sick routine. Just look at those pin prick pupils, you're on something!" his voice sounds like another language, maybe Japanese, I'm not even sure what he is saying
"dude, think whatever u want, I' just sick, and I need to go home."
"get out then! Go on!, but if u ever come in here again all fuked up, u will be fired! Do u understand me!"
i walk by fellow employees with my head down, kinky Friedman book in hand, no eye contact,& walk out that dam door, into the sickening hot wheather, can hear them all now as I drive home, gossiping about what the hell was wrong with me. fuk em anyway. I'm stopped at a red light. I start dozing off again, almost asleep, some asshole behind me honks! It shoots my head upright again.
i make it home, eating a pizza on the way, chain smoking.
wondering if I even have a job anymore, or if it even matters. I collapse on my bed. my bed had never felt so relaxing, no insomnia today, was out in dreamland in a flash.
dreamt I was a Kentucky hillbilly person who looked like the missing link, or maybe a sasquatch living on a farm, with 18 cats, 4 dogs, 27 roosters, a wife with no teeth who I loved dearly, 12 kids running around with mud and muck all over their naked filthy toothless bodies. cows everywhere, donkeys, lizards, mice, monkeys swinging from branches, a huge pond, with gigantic sea monster fish that keep coming up for air, and sprouting water out of their whale like holes.
i had on overalls, & was sitting on the front porch, looking at all the animals and kids. My wife is sitting next to me chewing on some sort of red bloody looking thing. Could be un-cooked beef jerky. I have a shot gun on my lap and I still feel like I cant move or walk, but that I should be working to support the land, wife and children. A little kid runs up to me, I suppose one of mine. He has snot dripping out of his rotten looking 3-year-old beautiful face.
"play ball pa?play ball pa? Play ball pa?"
he says , over and over tugging on my over all straps. I look over at the wife.
"she boo got dog down , u all aint u seen but when could morphine darlin."
"fuk u !"
I scream, not really sure why.
she goes off back into the shack barnyard. She comes out with a pot of chit lens, & starts force-feeding me. I can't move my arms, or legs, cause I'm like a frozen stick of rubber. I manage to move a finger up on my shotgun, as she crams my face with chit lens. I'm about to gag or choke to death. She is wearing this blue and orange and brown nightgown that smells like rotten eggs. All the kids and animals seem to be dancing around now in a somewhat distant cornfield, they are singing a song.
Eating morphine in the sun
Gonna make u cum
Eating morphine in the sun
Gona make u cum
Eating morphine in the sun
gona make daddy cum.
"My name is Mallory. My name is Mallory. My name is Mallory." My wife keeps saying & when im just about to choke on those chit lens globbing down my throat, I suddenly am able to move again. I hit her with the backside of my shotgun, send her flying off the porch, onto the hard gravel. I spit the crap out of my mouth, then she turns into a pig, and starts snorting at me, a pig with horns like a goat.
I'm standing tall now, my nose is bleeding, and I am pointing the shotgun at the pig now, the wife, and the thing. Then this creature just starts crying, and doing little oinky soundsI feel awful, the porky pig wife comes up to me. and we lay on the porch, snuggling, and licking each other, as the children and animals are all still singing and playing out in cornfield. I feel at peace, as I slither off my over alls, getting naked. It starts raining out. My wife speaks again…
" moo, maa, we gona have ta, get kids in, mushy man, u know dam mo no more for u"
"Shut up!" I scream, not quite sure why.
I yell for all the animals and kids to come on in the house now. Cause it be raining out .
then all these cop cars pull up in the driveway with mean looks on their faces. I yell for my wife to get inside. She is weeping, screaming "no ma doe u don't know cause he aint sick with u, no ma doe, he sick in other ways, no ma doe."
I push her in the house. The cops all have animal heads, one was an ox, some were cat heads, some had giraffe heads, elephants, geese, porcupines, humming birds, seals, water buffalos, deer, countless animal heads with police uniforms, all the employees I work with started getting out of the cop cars as well, they had their normal faces, but had limbs and torsos that were alien in being.
All the employees are pointing their fingers at me now,& the cops all have their guns pointing at me. I can hear my children in the house, still dancing, and singing that stupid song.
One of the cops, who has lions head, grabs a big bullhorn, and licking his tiger like lips , puts it to his mouth.
"Let Mallory and the children go goat man, drop the gun, this aint worth it!"
Then my boss gets out of one of the cop cars, he is warring this red tuxedo that is to small on him, he is eating what looks like a half dead rat with ice cream on it. He grabs the bullhorn from the cop.
"Drop the gun goat man! I aint gonna fire you're stupid ass, just let the women and children go, I know all about the morphine u bin eating."
all the employees start backing him up, screaming. "yeah jerk off! Let em be, leave em alone! U drunkard!"
"Get the fuk off my property, you are all fukin insane, fuk off!"
I point my gun out at all the fukers, and start pulling the trigger, but all that comes out, are these tiny red marble like pills with letters and numbers on them.
"Hold your fire! Hold your fire!" the main cop with the lion's head is yelling into his bullhorn. Then all my kids come running out of the house with more shotguns, and a show down begins, with bullets shaped of deformed vegetables flying everywhere. I look in the open door of my house, and see my wife dancing around to one of my blues hoinky tonk tapes. wiggles around doing some la coo coo racha type wiggle.
I wake up to my girlfriend's wonderful warm loving face kissing my dry lips. She is warring the sweater I gave her.
I'm sort of lost, wondering if she is part of the nightmare like dream thing, but I'm reassured as I touch her human flesh, & kiss her forehead. I light a smoke,& begin to tell her about my day, as we embrace each others sweat covered bodies. The phone keeps ringing from work, & people are pissed off. But it no longer matters, maybe never did.
This story Copyright 2001 Nicholas Morgan.
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