Mama was eating refried beans & dem pork chops fresh from the fields. when she slapped jimmy smack in the mouth at the dinner table. Pa just mumbled something under his liquor breath as ma went on to give jimmy a full yellin to. My older brother jimmy didn't milk the cows this evening to ma's pleasin. I told ma, I said,- u ought not hit jimmy like that, he's my friend.- He wasn't really my friend, but he was all I gots for now. Well, sometimes I reckon he acted like a friend. But my only real friend was my cat, my cats name is leozane. We live in Danker Iowa. Population 150. I'm 13 years old, my big brother jimmy, well, he's bout 18 now. Last year of the schoolin. -Don't u talk back to your mama boy,- my pa said, and he smacked me right in the gawd dam mouth too. Dinner was like this many days growing up here on the farm.
Most times me and jimmy just went along with it, so we didn't get the time out. The time out could sometimes, I reckon, be worse then other times. One time they made me sleep in the barn with the bulls all snarling at me. my pillow was a big pile of smelly cow dung. And it was darn right cold out the night they pulled that shiiit. I was real scared & shivery like. Them chickens squawking and all that sort of crapola. I heard a lot of coyotes howling that night, I cried a lot, but sometimes jimmy tells me, it's ok to cry. Don't mean u a faggot or noting.
I got a bad flu from dat dare incident. But jimmy tells me I aint seen notin yet. He done told me that one time when he was caught with mary sue in the field over yonder, after taking dads booze, that well, he told me, that they gave him the time out in the freezer. U see, we, well, my folks got this freezer in the shed out back, where pa keeps all his dead animal carcass's that mama cooks, and he, jimmy, done told me that pa and ma made him sleep in that freezer for 8 hours one night, cause of the whole mary sue thing. But jimmy told me he didn't reckon he could sleep much, on the count of it was real cold and smelly in that there freezer.
He done talk crazy man stuff at times, my brother, jimmy, that he left his body that night, and he done told me he went and floated all over town, and that aliens picked him up, or his soul, they picked up, and he told me some strange things bout what everything in tha world was all about now days.A lot of kids at school make fun of me cause of my teeth, I aint got many left, and I aint got the up to date clothing and stuff like dat. But they know my older brother would give them a right wuppin if I told him. But I aint never said noting to jimmy bout dem kids at school. Hell.
I don't care what dee sheet day all think of me right at this time in my life.
I'm real sweet on Mary Sue's sister. Her name is Kylie sue. She live down on bruxon rd. just after the cemetery. She ware pretty perfume all dah time in class, & I can't concentrate on me studies. Cause I really want to French kiss that girl, like my brother did with mary sue. But she, I reckon, don't like me that much. Like the other kids. Sometimes, she spits on me, and calls me names, like jerk off, and Mr. no tooth. Sometimes they call me retard. But once I talked to Kylie sue alone on the way home from town, I was walking down Huxley rd. just near the market, and she was real nice to me. I don't think she's like the others. She told me she'd like to meet leozane someday. I done told her that'll be swell and all.
& my brother always tells me, that I'm to old to be a virgin boy still. I dun reckon maybe he's right, but I don't know rightly how to go abouts gittin Kylie sue in the field.. I don't want any mo time outs. & my brother, jimmy, he done told me he lost his virginity at age 10, but he never tells me who took it, or what the word even means.
I thinks I got's a good idea about it though. Something, it's got to do with showing someone your private parts. & Jimmy said something bout that's how babies git born in the world. My world is Iowa my pops always tells me.
I had a baby sister when I was young, but she died. Mama aint never got over that. I don't member her too much, but I member she was real funny like, always laughing and stuff, she couldn't speak much, cause she died when she was only 4 years old. She was my friend. Not like jimmy or leozane, she was my friend in other ways. Cause I done read to her some nights, when I was just learnin to read. Sometimes I'd fart, and she'd laugh. But it's bin so many years, I don't know if I just imagined her now. We aint suppose to talk about her, cause my ma, well, she gets all twisted about her. & jimmy and me know better then to bring her up when they are around, cause we don't want no time out.
My sister's name was Jezebel. Her time out was along time ago, cause she was crying and stuff, and it was late, and I member my folks gave her the time out, and dats the last time I member seeing my lil sister. But jimmy gone told me that she's in heaven now. And that someday we can hear her laugh again. I'd really like that; cause sometimes the only time I get any peace, is when I sleep. Sometimes, I see my lil jezebel in my night dreams, & in those dreams, she is older, and can talk now, but she still has that good feeling, u know, she makes me happy, & her laugh is even goofier in dem dreams.
I figure in the end, we all get the time out for some reason or another. I been reading lots oh books bout huck finn. He this guy jimmy told me bout. & sometimes I read the jon steinbeck books jimmy secretly gives me. it's a lil more advanced then the dr sues books I got in me room. He gave me some good books, with some men, there names, I cant recall.
but if ma and pa caught me reading any of that stuff, well, dam, I'd have time out for many a year. I reckon it's ok to be reading bout huck finn and stuff. Cause my brother did it when he was my age. He done told me tho, don't never let ma or pa catch u reading that.
They be saying it's all of the devil.
But it's a secret I bin keeping over the years. & jimmy is a good brother to give me them books, we hide them out in the field, and sometimes, if the bus drops me off earlier, well then, I get to read a lot more before the sun goes down. I tell my ma, that I'm fishin out at lake Tinker River with ted glampson, he lives down near Kylie sue, a few farms down even.
He spits on me a lot too. But I reckon I don't care. I bin so happy with this reading them books jimmy hides in the field for me. jimmy aint to bad sometimes. Better then ma or pa.
But what I really do, is I go out in the field, and I read them books jimmy gives me. and I done said that already then. and my brother, well, he gots naked playboys out there, hidden under some brush, I seen them. I like to look at naked girls.
Cause jimmy told me it's a cool thing, u know, it's a secret thing men do.
I believe my brother sometimes, cause he aint so bad.
Sometimes. I paste pictures of kylie sues head on all the older ladies with them big boobs in those rained on dirty magazines jimmy don't think I know about. I got some pictures of kylie sue from her ma, cause her and my ma chat on the phone a lot, but her dad and my dad don't get along, cause my dad tells me he says _boy, that man needs a good ass kickin-! I don't know what pa's talking about, but sometimes, I got a good idea.
One time, I even took my pants down. & them there ladies, even tho older, they had nice boobies. And the thing between them legs, well, jimmy calls it eternal bliss, he saids, that the aliens done told him that that's what men live for. That thing in between the ladies legs in the pictures, but I dun know. I'm still pretty young. But I like to look at the naked pictures. I bet kylie sue would too. But I don't reckon I want no time outs.
He, jimmy, me brother... said he was gonna be a big movie star someday in this place the aliens done told him about. He told me that the place was California! Hollywood! Can u believe that! What a gawd dam stupid fukin name, I aint meaning to cuss, but can u even think of a dumber name! Then california~ ha, jimmy was nuts. I just learned that word the other day, jimmies friend was over. And ma and pa were gone, we were all drinkin them moonshines, looking at pa's playboys. ma and pa had gone in to town for the local mayors speech about how he was gonna have more bowling tournaments, and more bingo. I dun no. it aint like I didn't want to go to town wit them, but I knew jimmy was gonna show me more shit I aint never seen. So anyway, I done told yeah, maybe, that when I drink moonshine, well, I always think of kylie sue, and even mary sue sometimes. One time I got real sick. But jimmy covered for me. jimmy has some wild friends, some of them bring this tuff over, that jimmy calls wacky toe backy. I done told jimmy one night that he was insane, I learned that word from a book I read in the library after I read all jimmies books. My brother, jimmy. He even done told me bout how he lost that virginity, and he done told me who done it. but he had tears crawling down his tears as he told me. I done reckon this was my friend, my brother, and I felt sorry for what he went ahead and told. I thought maybe he was all nuts still.
He said old man Stew stole his virginity when he was just a young kid. I reckon that aint right. Aint nobody like old man Stew much round these parts. My brother jimmy, he done told me one day he's gona kill that old man stew. But I reckon he'd get a time out for life if he went ahead and did that.
But he done gave me them books I read, and he told me some things I aint ready to talk bout, just right now. But I will tell u later, if u can keep a secret. Well. I aint to good at secrets after moonshine, but I tell yeah, jimmy, he gone near lost his mind at times.
One day Kylie sue and me played doctor in the cornfields. & I done told jimmy I lost my virginity. But he reckons I didn't.
But what really happened was this one night not so long ago. It all started on a night of drinkin with kylie sue, mary sue, me and jimmy. We was drinkin up all my dads moonshine out in the fields, all of us just giggling way like nothing in the world mattered. That's when pa came round in the fields with a shotgun and flashlight. I just bout crapped my over alls when he caught jimmy, and them and the sue girls all half naked and doing doctor touchy feely stuff to each other. My weener was out, and jimmy was on top of mary sue. And the look on them girl's faces, when pa went ahead and fired a shot into the air. They didn't even grab their clothes or noting. They just ran quicker then I ever seen a headless chicken run around. I felt real bad. Jimmy and me was real scared as to what pa was gonna do. But we reckoned we knew it was gonna be a big time out. Maybe even something new that ma came up with.
"git your dam clothes back on boys! I got something to show u!" pa screamed.
I started crying and all, as we walked back to the farm. Then jimmy, well he did something I aint never seen no one do to my pa. He gone and smacked him right in the face and grabbed the shotgun off him.
The old man fell down, and jimmy shot his face right off, blood sprayed all over me and I just stood there frozen. Jimmy turned the gun on me and smiled.
All I could say was..."No jimmy."
He just laughed at me, and went on inside and he shot ma's face off too. I was watching through the window, and wondering if them aliens had been talking to jimmy again, telling him to do things, u know, so he could move to the hollywoods.
Jimmy came back outside covered in ma and pa's blood. He was still holding pa's shotgun.
I reckon I felt bad about how my ma and pa had gone ahead and killed my cat leozane, earlier that night. I reckon they weren't nice people to jimmy and me.
"Where u going now jimmy?" I asked, as he climbed into pa's pick up truck.
"Boy, I'm gonna do what they done told me to do. First I'm gonna go kill that old man Stew, then I'm driving to California, make myself one oh dem big movie stars! Keep reading dem books kid!"
And with that, my brother jimmy drove off. I reckon I had a lot to tell the police, cause them bin mighty alright to me, gave me hot chocolate, and apple pie all dah time I bin here. And they done told me when ever im ready to talk, that I could go ahead on and talk about what happened and all. But I just can't seem to say a word. Not since that night. My lips don't move no more. Just my mind that's moving. I just wish leozane and jezebel were with me right now. I don't always feel like thinking no more. But I really wish I could see that kylie sue again, cause jimmy done told me, that some day, I'm gonna lose that virginity, and since he went on and killed old man Stew, I know it aint gonna be with him no more. Sometimes I can just sit and chuckle when I think of jimmy living in that gawd dam stupid fucking named California place. I bet jimmies glad I aint talking. Someday when the aliens come for me, and jimmy sends for me, someday. I reckon, i just may talk again. Just like jezebel. One things for sure. I aint never doing no more time outs. I reckon I can find that eternal bliss somehow. They bin giving me good books in here to read jimmy, real good ones. And I aint gonna cry no more jimmy.
This story Copyright 2002 Nicholas Morgan.
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