Curtain.
A man in black robes sits in the left foreground of the stage behind an absurdly tall courtroom bench. His name plaque identifies him as "Judge Marshall Court." He flips through a document. After a few moments his interest intensifies and he dons reading glasses. He studies the document. JUDGE MARSHALL COURT then unconsciously holds up the document just enough for the audience to see what he reads. It is a Playboy magazine.
At center stage the trunk of an extremely tall tree rises. The tree is tall enough that the audience cannot see its branches or leaves. Carved into the tree trunk as graffiti are the initials: NYT.
Near the rear of the stage and to the right skulks a man in a military uniform. He wears a red and white Military Police (or "MP") sash over his left bicep and sweeps the beam of a flashlight back and forth across the stage as if searching for something important.
After the audience sees what the judge reads an attractive teenage couple enters from stage right. The beautiful girl has a sign hanging around her neck that says "The Right Thing." The young man has a sign hanging around his neck that says "Honorable Young Man." MISS THE RIGHT THING prompts and coaxes HONORABLE YOUNG MAN to do something illicit. She holds HONORABLE YOUNG MAN's hand and bats her eyelashes at him and kisses him on the cheek and tousles his hair. She whispers to HONORABLE YOUNG MAN. She begs with her expression. She pulls his arm. HONORABLE YOUNG MAN resists at first, looking around fearful that someone might see, that they might be caught. Finally he begins to relent. Slowly at first he returns MISS THE RIGHT THING's kisses and embraces until at last he becomes impassioned. HONORABLE YOUNG MAN commits to MISS THE RIGHT THING then, picks her up and carries her to the tree. The kissing becomes more intense. They fondle each other. At last, partially obstructed from the view of the audience by the tree trunk, the couple begins to simulate sex. MISS THE RIGHT THING bends over and HONORABLE YOUNG MAN enters her from behind. The graffitied tree shields the audience's view from any contact. Thus, the audience watches an honorable young man do the right thing but it cannot see the most important details.
During the seduction the MP has continued to skulk and sweep the flashlight beam back and forth across the stage. A few moments after the comic coitus begins the MP shines the flashlight on HONORABLE YOUNG MAN and MISS THE RIGHT THING.
MP: (Imperatively.) "Halt!" (The MP descends upon the surprised and gasping couple quickly. He handcuffs them without prelude and drags them embarrassed to JUDGE MARSHALL COURT.)
JUDGE MARSHALL COURT: (He still leafs through the Playboy. Jadedly, he says) Next!
MP: A case of public indecency, your honor.
JUDGE MARSHALL COURT: (Still paging, irritated.) Public indecency!
MP: Yes sir.
JUDGE MARSHALL COURT: (He looks from the magazine to the accused. He is visibly startled by MISS THE RIGHT THING's beauty and disheveled state. Immediately he regains his composure and becomes more calculating. He asks the accused) What do you have to say for yourselves?
HONORABLE YOUNG MAN: I don't feel like we were doing anything wrong, your honor. It seemed only natural. I was afraid at first, but finally I could not deny MISS THE RIGHT THING's beauty and attraction.
MP: Your honor, I found them hiding behind a tree. MISS THE RIGHT THING was touching her toes and HONORABLE YOUNG MAN was doing the twist. I saw bare flesh exposed to public view and fresh air.
HONORABLE YOUNG MAN and MISS THE RIGHT THING: (together) But it was dark.
JUDGE MARSHALL COURT: (He takes a breath, obviously aroused. He looks to his Playboy and flips a couple of pages until he finds something in particular. His eyebrows rise as he says lasciviously) Doggie style, huh?
MISS THE RIGHT THING: Your honor, I didn't want to do it in the park but because of our parents there is no where else for us to...
JUDGE MARSHALL COURT: (Cutting her off.) Ah ha! You did not want to do it?
MISS THE RIGHT THING: Well, no. Not like that, but...
JUDGE MARSHALL COURT: (Silencing her conclusively.) Ah ha! Well, if you did not want to do it then that's forcible rape!
MISS THE RIGHT THING and HONORABLE YOUNG MAN stand stunned, speechless.
JUDGE MARSHALL COURT: Officer, uncuff the girl and take away that pervert! Lock him up for... say...29 years...No, wait, give him 35. Yeah, 35 is better.
(Very loud blow of the gavel.)
The MP removes the handcuffs from MISS THE RIGHT THING and pulls away HONORABLE YOUNG MAN. MISS THE RIGHT THING is left standing alone then. She begins crying into her hands.
JUDGE MARSHALL COURT: (He sniffs unfeelingly. Surreptitiously he takes his Playboy and hides it away. Watching the girl cry, he becomes more and more aroused. Finally his look becomes a sinister leer. He says) It's okay, honey. Why don't you just come up here and talk to papa. I'll make everything okay for you. That's what I'm here for.
After a moment, slowly, MISS THE RIGHT THING edges toward JUDGE MARSHALL COURT. Still she cries.
Curtain.
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